I do not wish to alarm you but I have some alarming news. It has just come to my attention that a NUCLEAR WAR is about to break out!
Regular readers will know that I have been warning about this for some time. Those crafty Russkis have been planning for our annihilation since the beginning of the decade. First, the Soviets began disarming us with their "detentes" and their "Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaties" and their "Helsinki Accords." Then they began jamming our radios and/or controlling our minds with their Woodpecker Signals. And now that we're disarmed and mind-controlled - they will WAR some time before the end of this MONTH!foretold in The Bible and/or the sizes of the Pyramids of Egypt, according to Melbournian business-man John Strong, author of The Doomsday Globe. Using a complex series of calculations, Strong discovered that the End of the World would come in October, 1978 - that's NOW!
Strong is so sure of his predictions that he and several dozen followers are currently waiting out the upcoming nuclear armageddon in a secure, bomb-proof ranch in New South Wales, Australia.
I am a bit conflicted about this prediction, I should say. On one hand, I am understandably skeptical about the calculation methods Strong used to arrive at his prediction, given the inherent instability of numbers. On the other hand, the prediction is partially based in The Bible, which is always correct.
Unfortunately, the whopping $575 fee for survival is a bit out of my price range at the moment, as is flying to Australia. So suffice it to say that I shall not be joining Mr. Strong in his ranch.
But not to worry - I am taking precautions here, converting my basement/laundry room into a bomb-proof shelter and stocking up on non-perishables. THE WIFE thinks I'm crazy, AS USUAL, but we will see who thinks who is crazy when she's dodging radioactive fallouts and I am secure in my basement shelter!
I urge all of you to prepare as necessary. If the Bible is correct, WAR IS COMING!