An Open Letter To The Candidates

President Ford and Governor Carter,

Congratulations to both of you on your nominations for the office of President of the United States. You are both no doubt aware that national security is vital to the security of our nation. As President, you will need to defend our great country from enemies foreign, domestic, and extra-terrestrial.

It is thusly imperative that we, the American voting populace, know that both of you are prepared to protect us from all these enemies - particularly of the unearthly variety. We must know for certain that the man we are electing as Leader of the Free World is indeed one of us - a human being of flesh and blood gestated in the traditional fashion.

We cannot risk having a pod-cloned Manthourian spy drone from Tau Ceti b serving in the highest office in the land. We simply cannot.

Therefore, I am asking both of you to publically issue, for the viewance of the general public, your Birth Certificate and/or Certification of Live Birth. Thenceforth we shall be assured of your humanity and will be able to confidently go to the ballot box knowing that we are voting for one of us.

Cordially,
The Math Skeptic

---