Pittsbughians Rebel Against the Forces of Math

In some happy news out of the City of Brotherly Love, Pittsburgh education officials have reported that students taking the so-called California Achievement Test are increasingly fighting back against the tyrannical forces of arithmetofascism. Pittsburgh students' math test scores have dropped by three percent this year, according to the city's superintendent of schools.

This is certainly good news. It means that the poor, embattered students of the Cheesesteak Capitol are no longer content to regurgitate one-right-answer mathematicalism and are asserting their academic freedom on the standardized testing regime. This year, the students of Quaker City are three percent more freedom.

Though this is indeed a cause for celebration, it is not quite a reason to celebrate. Though Pittsburghian students are increasingly free, they are still showing dangerously high test scores, with 71 percent of students above the national average.

I call upon the brave students of Pittsburgh to remain strong in their fight for freedom, and assert their mathematical rights even more on next year's C.A.T. examinations.

It is no coincidence that the fight against numerical tyranny begins here in the Cradle of Liberty: Pittsburgh. The same city that saw our country's struggle against tyranny begin with the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776 now sees the beginning of our struggle for academic freedom.

We the people are united - against the tyranny of arithmetic!

---