BURN THIS BOOK

This may be the most frightening antebellum traveller-centered reference guide I have EVER SEEN. The verbosely-titled The Traveler's Vade Mecum; or Instantaneous Letter Writer, by Mail or Telegraph, for the Convenience of Persons Traveling on Business or for Pleasure, and for Others, Whereby a Vast Amount of Time, Labor, and Trouble is Saved commits the most grave linguistic atrocity imaginable - assigning common travel phrases like "accommodations here are excellent" and "the lost baggage has been recovered" and "some of the passengers were seriously injured" to - you guessed it - NUMBERS.

The premise may have seemed innocent enough in 1853 - a traveling businessman could simply telegraph 169 to the home office, sparing the expense of telegraphing "Have any persons called on business with me during my absence; and if so, who?" Said businessman would then interpret the response 223 to mean "we wish, if possible, that you would be present at the funeral, and request that you would send word by telegraph whether we may expect you, and when, and if possible the funeral will be delayed till you arrive."

Useful? Sure. Thrifty? Certainly. Dangerous? Absolutely.

When the singularity happens - and it WILL happen - our robot overlords will use this as a Human User Manual. If you happen to come upon a copy of The Traveler's Vade Mecum; or Instantaneous Letter Writer, by Mail or Telegraph, for the Convenience of Persons Traveling on Business or for Pleasure, and for Others, Whereby a Vast Amount of Time, Labor, and Trouble is Saved, burn it, bury it, lock it away - don't let the machines get a hold of it. Nothing less than the future of our species is at stake.

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