The HP 12c Celebrates Thirty Years of Financial Ruin

Tech giant Hewlett-Packard is celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of its infamous 12c Financial Calculator with great fanfare and celebratority this week. And, apparently, without even a hint of irony.

For, as we all know, the HP 12c is nothing less than the most diabolical weapon ever unleashed by the numbers in their ongoing war against humanity.

Forged in the top-secret catacombs of HP's Cupertino tech lair, the 12c's revolutionary use of metal-oxide semiconductors and inscrutable Reverse Polish Notation made it Hewlett-Packard's best selling product of all time. This calculator has been in the pockets and on the desktops of every major economist and financialist of the last three decades.

And, thusly, it is responsible for every financial crisis of the last three decades. Just look at the HP12c's trail of financial ruin:

• 1982: Latin American Debt crisis
  
• 1987: Black Monday
  
• 1989: Savings and Loan Scandal
  
• 1990: Swedish Banking Crisis
  
• 1992: Black Wednesday
  
• 1994: The Mexican Economic Crisis
  
• 1997: Asian Financial Crisis
  
• 2001: Dot-com bubble burst
  
• 2007: Global financial subprime mortgage credit-default swap worldwide economic collapse

So thank you, HP12c! Thank you for everything!

---