Babies Teaching Babies?! What Is This World Coming To!

If you've ever had any doubts about the depths to which the numbers have invaded and pervaded our culture and society, look no further than this shocking article I am writing at this very moment.

Our schools have become so entranced by arithmetofascism that they have now begun using students to indoctrinate their fellow students with mathematical propaganda. Under the innocent-sounding guise of "peer education," school systems are obeying their numerist masters by proxy, turning innocent older children into math missionaries spreading the gospel of arithmetic to even innocenter younger children.

This insidous outrage was recently exposed by some investigative reporting by a local news station in Butler County, Missouri. KFVS-12 News gathered this shocking story - I can only assume - by enrolling one of their undercover reporters into an elementary school in Poplar Bluff, Missouri disguised as a first grader. What this courageous - and I presume short-statured - reporter uncovered during the investigation was nothing less than shocking:

Earlier this school year, Eugene Field Elementary School fourth grader Maraleigh Buss entered Kelli Spitze's first grade classroom and asked the teacher whether her students did their math homework.
...
Maraleigh is among over a dozen fourth grade teaching assistants who have volunteered to give up their special class periods—art, gym, library and music—to tutor first and second grade math students who may require some extra attention, according to school officials.
...
"She gets kids engaged right from the get-go," said Spitze, who began utilizing teaching assistants in her classroom last school year. "Sometimes children learn from their older peers much quicker. They are just more ready to be open-minded in that setting."

Using children to recruit other children using propaganda and indoctrination. Hmmm. Where have I heard that before?

An extreme comparison? Perhaps - but only if you consider the slippery slope to be a logical fallacy. As far as I'm concerned, children tutoring each other in math is just one sloping slip away from uniformed young thugs recruiting other kids to serve in the Math-ler Youth.

It's times like this that I'm almost glad the world is going to end in four weeks. Because a world in which babies are indoctrinating babies with arithmetical propaganda is not one I wish to continue.

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Three Weeks Until The End Of The World!

Have you started preparing for the apocalypse? If so, I congratulate you on your responsible preparedness. If not, I lambaste you for your irresponsible lack of preparedness!

This is serious, people! Unlike all of the other times I've warned of impending doom, this time the doom is ACTUALLY ABOUT TO IMPEND!

For those who care to know. I have begun my preparations for the end of the world and the post-apocalyptic nightmare that is to follow. From a source that shall remain nameless, I have acquired a year's supply of vintage Crystal Pepsi, which I have been informed will be a sought-after barterable currency in the world to come.

I have also stockpiled the obvious foodstuffs such as canned goods and canned noodles and can openers. And in case I need to perform emergency surgeries or harvest organs from the recently apocalypsed, I have a full supply of home medical supplies (most acquired legally).

And I also have four cases of cheap vodka with which to drown my sorrows for however long I survive after the world as we know it is cast into utter nightmarish disorder. These may also be useful to gain acceptance into one of the cannibal motorcycle gangs that will be roaming the world after the world has ended.

I now feel reasonably assured that I have taken adequate precautions to ensure my prolonged survival in the nightmare world to come. If you have not done the same, I can only hope that you will come to your senses in the next threeweeks.

Doom!

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Minnesota Teachers Stand Up To Answerist Hegemony

For more than a decade and a half, high school students in the frigid northern wasteland of Minnesota have suffered under the evil GRAD Regime. The Minnesota Graduation-Required Assessments for Diploma is a standardized test students must pass in order to graduate.

And, as you've probably already guessed, these poor students are being forced to use math on this test. And due to the well-known inherent fallibility of numbers, as many as one-third of Minnesotish students fail the exam every year.

Without passing, the students will be unable to graduate, will not be allowed to go on to college, and will be forced to spend the rest of their lives toiling in one Minnesota's notorious lake mines. (If they had the rest of their lives, of course, but since the world ends in a bit over four weeks it's a bit of a moot point).

Thankfully, a courageous group of Minnesotical teachers are standing up to the madness, and are calling for an end to the arithmetical attacks on their students. They are standing up to the one-right-answer despotism of the testing regime and urging the school board of Minnesota to end the arithmetofascism once and for all.

The Math Skeptic applauds this development and supports the educators in their fight, but thinks it does not go far enough. The fact remains that Minnesotian schools are still teaching math in their classes, needlessly exposing their innocent students to the inherent evil of numbers and their crafty arithmetical ways.

Save The Minnestudents!

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Baraminology Under Attack - Again!

To say that science and the Great Flood Theory have had a rocky relationship would be an understatement. It would be somewhat more accurate to say that science has been actively trying to suppress, oppress, and thoroughly delegitimize the legitimate study of how all plant and animal life survived a worldwide flood by getting on board a giant boat for a month and a half. The most accurate statement one could make is that the upstart science of science has tried desperately to ensmallen the study of flood-ology so small that they can drown it in an ark-sized bathtub.

Of course, the floodologists are at a disadvantage to begin with. The evidence decks are nondoubtedly stacked against them, what with all of the evidence from geology, biology, zoology, ornithology, botanology, and paleontology failing to provide a shred of evidence for the Great Flood.

There is one field that does provide evidence for the Flood, however - the time-honored study of baraminology. This classificational science classifies animals and/or plants into a taxonomy of kinds, a taxonomical structure that is far superior to traditional Linnaean taxonomy and genetical-based cladistical taxonomy because it provides evidence for the Flood story that we already know to be true.

 Naturally, the so-called legitimate classificationalists are using everything under the 6,000-year-old Sun to squelch the study of kinds. The scientifico-mathematical cabal has conspired to keep this kind of Kind science out of the textbooks and journals, refusing to give it a well-deserved handicap that would put it on par with the biologically-based taxonomies.

The latest weapon in the hands of the scienticians?

Sarcasm.

Noted science-pusher PZ Myers belittles a perfectly legitimate report by Answers in Genesis that painstakingly classifies all the mammals on the Ark into 137 biblically-correct Kinds on the basis that one of her happens to be a stuffed koala.

Outrage!

Dr. Myers typically refuses to consider the possibility that plushies were and still are an extant species. Evidence of fossilized stuffed animals has been found all through the archaeological and fossilogical record, with many living in the wild today. The fact that we rarely see them in their natural habitat and only see them dead on toy store shelves is simply evidence that science is conspiring to hide all evidence of the plushie clade. 

Shame on you, Dr. Myers, for your cynical dismissal of the mountains of evidence for ancient plushies!

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One Month Until The End Of The World!

ALERT!!!!

DOOOOOOOOOM!

It has recently come to my attention that the world is coming to an end on December 21 of this year - exactly one month from now. I have obtained this top-secret information from various top-secret sites on the Internet. It is now an absolute certainty that we are going to collide with another planet or a comet or a giant space dragon on December 21, 2012. With this many people writing about it, it must be true!

This is not a drill, people, this is the REAL THING!

The obvious thing to do is panic. That much is obvious. The important thing to note is that you need to space out your panicking over the course of the coming month so that you will still have enough panic left for the end of the world.

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