US Students Rank Number One in Math and Science Resistance

In these preapocalyptic days, it's always nice to hear some good news. And we got some great news today courtesy of the Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study. Fourth- and eighth-grade students in the United States were far outranked in math and science by their peers in Europe and Asia, demonstrating that American students remain the best in the civilized world at resisting mathematico-scientific indoctrination.

But!

This is not a time for complacency. According to the results of the study - and putting aside for a moment the inherent fallibility of numbers - United Statesian students are still scoring above average. Worse, the average 8th grade science score has been steadily rising since 1995.

This means that the forces of mathematical and scientific proselytization have been hard at work like busy beavers over the past few decades, and show no signs of stopping in the near future. Assuming they survive the coming worldwide destruction of the world, they will continue to push the unproven religion of math and scientific inquiry on our innocent youth.

Still, I remain confident in our ability to overcome the forces of factism. The bells of academic freedom will soon ring all across this great nation, and lo, they will toll for me and the rest of the skeptics of math among us.

Assuming we survive the next two weeks, of course.

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