Monday, December 03, 1973

By Jove, This Is A Bad Idea!

We humans have managed to accomplish a lot with our hubris - landing on the moon, curing smallpox, inventing the tele-vision, and so forth. But sometimes we make some really prideful blunders, too. I fear that Pioneer 10's upcoming encounter with Jupiter will be the blunderest of them all!

The astrologers have warned us many times about angering the outer planets. For millennia, they have kept the gas giants pacified and spared us from their wrath. Now that we are sending a probe to buzz Jupiter while snapping pictures like an hapless tourist, I fear that the astrologers will no longer be able to contain the gas giant's wrath.

If Jupiter decides to unleash a flurry of comets and trojan asteroids in our direction as penance for our disrespectful probing, we shall have no-one to blame but ourselves.

Friday, November 16, 1973

Incoming Comet A Harbinger of Doom?

Greetings, fellow Math Skeptics! On today's B.L.O.G. entry, I have some frightening tidings to report. It seems the recently-discovered Comet Kohoutek is coming to destroy us all. My source? None other than God himself. Speaking through David Berg, founder of Children of God Ministries.

When a man of the cloth says the world is going to end, it usually comes true. So we have good reason to be cautious.

God was a bit unclear about the date of the impending apocalypse, unfortunately, so Berg isn't quite sure when The End is coming:
IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE 21st (OF SOME MONTH). It either begins on the 21st or it ends on the 21st. Of course it'll be at its brightest--between November 21 and January 21, and really from December 11 to January 21 is the main course. Either that or December 21.
The obvious take-away message is that we must beware of all dates numbered 21. Which is fine for me - I beware of all dates from 1-20 and 22-31 as well. The fact that we use numbers to denote our days is a clear sign that our society has fallen into depravity and evil as a society. Also, homosexualism.

But I do fear for those unsaved among you who have not-yet learned to distrust numbers as I. The poor numeralists out there continue unabated in their digit-using ways completely oblivious to the cometary ruin they bring upon society.

I implore all my readers to heed David Berg's multiple warnings, and repent from their numeralist ways. If we all preach the gospel if numberlessness, perhaps the Great Comet Kohoutek will decide to spare us.

Saturday, November 03, 1973

N.A.S.A. Launches Ill-Fated Mission To Mercury!

This afternoon, our space-agency launched yet another of its ill-conceived space probes on yet another poorly-thought-out mission to visit and/or annoy the inner planets of our solar system.
Mariner 10, a half-ton $98-million robotical behemoth, launched from the Kennedy Space Center, will soon be placed in heliocentric orbit around the Sun. From there it will use the mystical forces of gravity to propel itself on a mission to image the inner planets Venus and Mercury.

And then what?

This, I fear, is the question N.A.S.A. engineers have failed to question. What happens to Mariner 10 once it has completed its sunward paparazzisim?

My prediction - this space-craft will soon grow too big for its solar-powered britches and believe itself to be its own planet! Do not forget - this robotic probe is operated by ones and zeroes - numbers! And numbers are not to be trusted.

Mark my words! This ro-bot shall soon go rogue, breaking contact with its human creators to go on a reign of terror around the innermost solar system. Mark my words!

Tuesday, September 11, 1973


The Math Skeptic would like to congratulate the CIA on yet another successful South American coup d'etat!

Finally, the long-suffering people of Chile can get out from under the democratically-elected thumb of the despotic President Allende, and will finally live in peace and freedom under General Pinochet. This is a victory not just for the Chilean people, but for all the freedom-loving people of the world!

I don't normally do this, since I'm very opposed to celebrating numbers in any form, but there's just something about today's date that seems special. Nine-Eleven. 9/11. 9-1-1. Isn't it beautiful?

September 11 - a date that will be forever synonymous with freedom!