The Numbers Are Taking Over Our Precious Capitalism!

If you've been grocery shopping recently, you may have seen some strange black-and-white lines showing up on your boxed corn and potatoed-chips. I, too, have been wondering about these curious curiosities, so I did some research.

It turns out that these are the latest assault by the numbers on our capitalist livelihoods. These Universal Product Codes, as they're known, will soon put the power over retail pricing in the hands of computers, rather than the trusted invisible hands of the free market.

This outrage is simply OUTRAGEOUS!

Soon stores throughout the country will be using electronical scanners at the checkout counter, instead of trusted technology like an old guy with a cash register.

And, soon after that, I imagine the stores will be doing away with the old guy and just using robots to interact with their customers. Imagine! How will we engage in cheerful small talk with a Checkout Robot? I can just imagine the conversations: "afternoon, Miss Robot, how are you?" (silence) "gee, your diodes look nice today," (silence) "What time do you get off work? Maybe we can go down to the electronics shop for a can of oil?" (silence).

Pah!

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Numbers Claim Their First "Comput-er Hacking" Victim!

Long have I warned my readers about the dangers of comput-er use in our working lives. Computers are governed by numbers. And, as we all know, numbers are not to be trusted.

And now, it seems, the numbers and their tools of corruption - comput-ers - have put an innocent man on trial for the alleged "hacking" crime of so-called "code theft."

29-year-old comput-er whiz Hugh Jeffery Ward of Palo Alto, California, stands accused of so-called "comput-er piracy" for allegedly "stealing" a computer program from Oakland-based Information Systems Design (ISD). Allegedly, Mr. Ward used a telephone and a special code to allegedly gain access to ISD's memory-banks and allegedly "pirate" a $25,000 program.

This accusation is, of course, complete balderwash. Nothing has been stolen from ISD, as examplified by the face that ISD still has their comput-er program!

I will try to explain this using an analogy.

If, hypothetically, someone were to break into my house and steal my sofa, then I would no longer have a sofa. The alleged crime allegedly committed by the alleged Mr. Ward is the equivalent of someone breaking into my house and writing down my sofa. That is not what I or any sane language-speaker would consider theft.

But, of course, there is more to this. I fear the draw-strings of this case pull far beneath the surface, hinting at a behemoth of numerist corruption lurking in the murky depths of our comput-er age. It is completely obvious that Mr. Ward was obviously under the influence of the numbers when he allegedly committed his alleged crimes: using a telephone (numbers) and a special code (numeric) to obtain a comput-er program (containing numbers).

This, I fear, is but the first of many such cases we will soon see as the numbers and auto-mation and comput-erization take over our businesses and our lives. These incidents of comput-er "hacking" will increase as more of us fall under the influence of these tools of numerist hegemony.

I have hereby predicted!

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