Monday, August 20, 2012

NASA Declares War On Mars!

In a shocking development sure to shock you all, NASA's new Curiosity rover has now revealed itself for what it really is: an interplanetary weapon of mass destruction.

Chilling imagery of the Mars Science Laboratory's destructive rampage.
Top-secret images obtained from the Mars Science Laboratory's top-secret web site have revealed this shocking truth: that the roving probe is using a space laser to vaporize the planet Mars one rock at a time.

Disguised with the innocuous-sounding name "ChemCam," the roving weaponized laser has begun the systematic process of destroying the Red Planet. The only mystery is why. Is it a preventative strike to put off an impending Martian attack? Is it an attempt to cover up Manthourian Mars bases before they can be discovered? Is Mars blocking our view of Jupiter? Only the mystery knows for sure.

The other uncertainty is how the other planets will react to this unprovoked invasion of the outermost of the terrestrial planets. We can only assume that they will react in usual planetary fashion - with an onslaught of Earth-crossing asteroids launched in our direction.

So thank you, NASA. For DOOM!