Space Weather Forecast: Bring A Space Umbrella (To Space)

Space meteorologists have issued a new space-weather forecast for the not-so distant space-future, and the outlook is full of storms. Space storms.

According to a study published in last month's Geophysical Research Letters decrease in solar activity over the next few decades will deplete our solar system's precious heliosphere, leaving us less protected against dangerous galactic cosmic rays. Worse, the less-frequent solar storms, known in science lingo as SEPs, will be more intense. Combined, these effects will increase the amount of radiation exposure faced by air-traveling air travelers and space-traveling space travelers.

Scientists are baffled by the sun's change in activity. The reason should be obvious, however, to anyone who has studied astrology. The simple fact is that we have angered the sun, what with our SOHOs and our STEREOs and our other observy-probes. And as a consequence, our nearest star is angry with us.

Now it is up to the astrologers to save us. I just hope they can pacify the sun in time, before it is too late.

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N.A.S.A. Launches Ill-Fated Mission To Mercury!

This afternoon, our space-agency launched yet another of its ill-conceived space probes on yet another poorly-thought-out mission to visit and/or annoy the inner planets of our solar system.

Mariner 10, a half-ton $98-million robotical behemoth, launched from the Kennedy Space Center, will soon be placed in heliocentric orbit around the Sun. From there it will use the mystical forces of gravity to propel itself on a mission to image the inner planets Venus and Mercury.

And then what?

This, I fear, is the question N.A.S.A. engineers have failed to question. What happens to Mariner 10 once it has completed its sunward paparazzisim?

My prediction - this space-craft will soon grow too big for its solar-powered britches and believe itself to be its own planet! Do not forget - this robotic probe is operated by ones and zeroes - numbers! And numbers are not to be trusted.

Mark my words! This ro-bot shall soon go rogue, breaking contact with its human creators to go on a reign of terror around the innermost solar system. Mark my words!

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