Numbers Claim Responsibility for Brutal Attacks on UK Students

...At least, that's what headlines would read if the lame-stream media wasn't completely in the pocket of Big Arithmetic.

Instead, what we see are reports like this one, about an epidemic of errors in the British GCSE, A-level, and AS-level exams. And, of course, the BBC attributes this outbreak of erratum to "human error."

It's shameful that these reporters can't - or won't - dig a bit deeper and uncover the truth of these stories. That this is more evidence of the vendetta against humans by rogue numbers.

Moreover, it is an assault on academic freedom. The entire concept of "right" and "wrong" answers is nothing more than a socio-mathematical construct invented by the Global Academical Hegemonic Conspiracy to force creative thinkers into a rigid "smart box."

And how are students who think "outside the box" punished when they provide alternate answers to factual questions? By receiving a poor numeric grade on their exam.

The conspiracy is obvious to anyone willing to see it.

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NASA! You're Playing With DANGER!

Just a month after launching Voyager 2 on a mission to annoy the outer planets, NASA has launched the Voyager 1 space-probe to further antagonize the biggest of the gas giants, Jupiter and Saturn.

Due to arrive at Jupiter in January 1979 and Saturn in November 1980, this little probe will no doubt be an irritating annoyance to the otherwise private outer planets. As the Astrologers have been warning us for centuries - ever since a young patent clerk named Galileo turned his new "tele-scope" skyward and became the first Jovian paparazzi - the gas giants value their privacy, and do not appreciate our telescopic and robotic invasions.

And, thanks to the ingenious doings of certified brainiac Carl Sagan, we won't be able to claim innocence when the Jovian ire is enraged. The Voyager probe contains a gold record saying "Hello from Earth", complete with maps and diagrams and sounds so that the gas giants will have no doubt as to its origin.

We can only hope that the Astrologers will be able to keep the enraged outer planets at bay so that they will decide not to attack us with their asteroid arsenals.

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