Monday, August 29, 2011

IRS Sides With Numbers In Math-Error Cases

Here's a story that should come as no surprise to anyone. The IRS is the enemy of humanity.

I'm not saying that because of the last time they audited my completely legitimate business expenses, but because of a new report in The Hill that I found simply shocking!

In response to a new report recommending that the IRS respond quickly to correct mathematical errors in income tax returns, the IRS said "no."

In other words, they're siding with the numbers!!

If you're not outraged, you should be. You. Should. Be.

These cheesefed, calculator-having, pocket-protecting bureaucrats are taking the numbers' side when errors occur in tax returns. And as we all know, numbers can't be trusted.

This is nothing short of species treason!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Evolutiono-Climatical Conspiracy Revealed

Ever notice how the evolutionalist movement and the environmentalismist movement seem to be so inextricably intertwined? Without fail, you find the same science pushers pushing climate science and evolution.

Until now, there wasn't enough evidence to link these two subversive forces together. Until now.

Thanks to my perennial frenemies at the National Center for Science Indoctrination, I now have concrete proof of the evolutionist-climate changialism conspiracy! For they have published an excerpt from Geerat Vermeij's The Evolutionary World, a shocking tome that lays out this vast scientifico-mathematical collusiveness in shocking detail. Just read this shocking excerpt from this shocking book:
Humanity should do what it can to limit the rate at which the world is heating up, but above all we must adapt to a warming world. If we want to maintain some semblance of wild nature in the fact of warming and habitation fragmentation, we must preserve — or, better yet, enhance — opportunities for species to adapt.

We must give them wiggle room, not box them in. We must allow evolution and adaptation to do their work.

Indeed, Dr. Vermeij. Their evil work. For this so-called "adaptation" is nothing but a product of numbers in deoxyribonucleic form. Mutations are nothing but the result of numbers attacking our very DNA. Our. Very. DNA. And the climate changialites are merely propagandizing this numerist assault at our cellular level.

Thank you, Dr. Vermeij, for finally exposing this shocking collusion to the public scrutiny, where we can publically scrutinize it for all the world to see.

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Numbers and/or Ancient Chinese Have Invaded New York!

Shocking news out of Long Island today, folks. Shocking!

Innocent children all over the sleepy Long Island village of New Hyde Park are being indoctrinated with numbers and/or invaded by Chinese invaders. According to a deep-undercover investigative report in today's edition of The Island Now, children as young as kindergarten age are being taught to use an abacus to learn calculations.

An abacus! From Ancient China! Imagine! Next these innocent young youngsters will be building terra cotta armies and giant stone walls to protect themselves from Mongol hordes!

It's not bad enough we have to indoctrinate these poor New Hyde Parkial children by forcing them to learn math in the first place. But these educationalist bead-counters are making them do it on ancient Chinese technology. Disguising themselves with the innocent-sounding name "ALOHA Mind Math," a band of global mindwashers are spreading the gospel of Abacusism on our very own shores! If you are not outraged, you should be. At the very least, you need your outrage sensors adjusted. For this is indeed an outrage.

Absolutely True Little-Known Facts
About New Hyde Park, NY

  • Surrounded by a 7-foot silver-plated wrought iron fence installed in 1871 to defend against werewolf attacks.
  • Village Motto: Marginally Better Than New Rochelle
  • Offered to Canada in 1907 as a land trade for Placentia, Newfoundland. Canada declined.
  • Formerly known as The Other New Rochelle.
  • Population of 190 Pacific Islanders, according to the most recent census. Number 200 will receive a 7-11 gift card.
  • All forms of pole vaulting are illegal by village ordinance
Now I know what you're saying. "The Math Skeptic," you're saying, "aren't you just making a slippery slope argument?"

To which I say "of course!" For without slippery slope arguments, my blog would be a bunch of random prepositions on an orange background.

Neverthenoneless, my point to all this is that it is imbundingly clear that the numbers and the Ancient Han Dynasty are in cohoots, and sending their time-travelling invaders to destroy us with suànpáns of doom. It all makes sense, of course - who do you think taught them gunpowder and calculus?

So for the sake of humanity, we must resist this encroaching abacusification of our youth before this beaded menace destroys all that is left of our humanity.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Propaganda Alert: Delaware!

Beware, Delawaricans! Verizon is coming to brainwash your children!

The communications giant plans to use their reeducation platform to combat "learning losses" allegedly suffered by "students" while allegedly on "summer vacation." What they fail to mention are their deep-rooted ties with the governmento-numerical conspiracy.

This outrage is outrageous, and should leave us all outraged!

It's not bad enough that Delaware is the smallest, lamest, and least-interesting state in the union. Now Delaware is ground zero in the global war between the numbers and humans. Verizon, it seems, has sided with the numbers. We can only hope that they will repent from their treasonous ways before we humans are defeated.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


As anyone with access to television, the Internet, or a reasonably efficient rumor mill knows, the Washington DC metropolitan area was struck by a 5.9-magnitude earthquake today, prompting evacuations, mass panic, and sending our nation's capital into utter chaos. The earthquake, which I accurately postdicted yesterday, literally took the city by surprise. At this very moment fires are erupting across the city, set by rioting federal workers angered to have their afternoon kickball games canceled.

The seismologists are positively baffled by the freak temblor, claiming that it may take months of investigation to pinpoint the source:
"Based on the data, to really be able to point out what has happened and what fault line was responsible it is definitely going to require more research. It can take several months to a year to discover the fault line," said Rafael Abreu, a geophysicist at the U.S. Geological Survey.
The problem, of course, is that the seismologists are looking down when they should be looking up. As we in the Math Skepticism community know, the obvious cause of this earthquake is the C/2010 X1 orbiting space weapon currently invading our inner solar system. Controlled by rogue Russian astronomer Leonid Elenin, this so-called "comet" has been attacking our planet for years.

This latest attack is the most frightening of all, however, for instead of attacking unnecessary countries like Japan, Haiti, and Italy, Mad Astronomer Elenin is attacking the United States.

If our possibly pod-cloned President isn't too busy golfing, I suggest he launch a strong counterattack against the Soviet Union. Just to be sure.

Monday, August 22, 2011


While engaging in my semiregular pastime of analyzing the JPL Small-Body Database for potentially Earth-threatening conjunctions, I discovered a TERRIFYING alignment between the orbiting space weapon C/2010 X1 (Elenin) and our home planet.

This may not look like much to the untrained eye, but to those of us well-versed in conspiriology, this diagram clearly shows the optical attack angle for use of an earthquake-causing Tesla coil.

There is a very good chance that Mad Astronomer Leonid Elenin will command the rogue Soviet-era weapon system to attack. And what country will this Cold War relic turn its earthquake-causing on? Ours.

Mark my words: there will be an earthquake in the Washington DC area tomorrow. Take cover, Washingtonians!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Rick Perry's Courageous Stand for Alternativity

While the secular evolutionists in Texas are probably still celebrating with Shiner Bock and tofu barbecue over their recent textbookical victory over the science curriculum, Governor, Presidential candidate, and possible pod-person Rick Perry has taken a courageous stand for alternative thinking in his state's science classrooms.

"In Texas," said the Governor, "we teach both creationism and evolution."

It's true! See for yourself on this minaturized talking-box:
As you might expect, the liberal-evolutionist conspirators are literally tripping over their fair-trade pocket-protectors rushing to discredit the future President/Manthourian pod-clone, claiming that his stance is somehow "unconstitutionalThe United States Constitution" just because it "violates" the so-called "First Amendment.

Of course, we alternativists know that creationism and Intelligent Design do nothing of the sort. They merely provide a thoroughly unsupported alternative theory as an alternative to the scientific hegemony/fact-based conspiracy that is the Theory of Evolution.

Stay strong, Governor Perry - don't let them make you backtrack from your ideals.

P.S. While I've got you on the line, would you mind showing us all your birth certificate? We just need to make sure you're human and not a pod-clone from Tau Ceti. No rush - we've got plenty of time until the nomination.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Great Guilderland Numerismical Catastrophe

Shocking things are afoot in Guilderland, New York, where the numbers have brutally attacked more than 500 innocent high school students with erroneous scoring errors on their Regents exams. These so-called "calculation errors" resulted in student scores deviating by as many as three points from their actual grades.

And, as usual, the lame-stream media and the governmento-numerialist conspiracy were quick to jump on the "human error" bandwagon.
"After a thorough review, it was determined that the discrepancies were caused by human error," said [Superintendent of Schools Dr. Marie] Wiles [who is obviously deep in the pockets of Big Number].

"The discrepancies on the June Regents resulted in students earning both higher and lower grades than initially reported," she added [while sipping Courvoisier from a diamond-encrusted brandy snifter obviously "donated" to her by the numerist lobby].
"There is absolutely no pattern or information to indicate that anything other than human error occurred," [species traitor] Wiles added.
Something is obviously rotten in Guilderland, and one can only speculate as to how many previous generations of Guilderlandians had their Regents exams, their high school careers, indeed their very lives ruined by the brutal ignominations of the out-of-control numbers in upstate New York.

The Most Dangerous Of Windmills

Europe is not generally known for its sanity, what with its football hooligans and variety television programs and history of colonialism. But this time Europe is truly off its collective socialist rocker.

The Europeans are going to attack an asteroid.

Yes, I'm serious. No, I'm not kidding.

The so-called Don Quijote mission will crash a space probe (Hidalgo) into a near-Earth asteroid while filming it from an orbiting voyeur (Sancho).

Obviously these crazy Europeans have been too busy studying their astronomy to learn any astrology. Other-else they'd know what an awful offense they are planning to commit. It's bad enough we United Statesians are annoying the notoriously-private asteroid Vesta with the ill-conceived Dawn mission, but these puff-pastry enthusiasts are impacting one.

This aggression will not stand. The other asteroids, minor planets, plutoids, and other denizens of the main belt will be legitimately angered, and may legitimately retaliate with a fiery rain of Texan-sized extinction-producers.

Luckily, this European asteroid incursion is still very much in the planning stages, so we still have plenty of time to protest this violation of planetesimal sovereignty, before it's too late.