Friday, February 15, 2013



This is indeed one of those moments in which it is difficult to avoid saying that I told you so.

Because the fact is that I told you so.

I have warned time and time again against the dangers of meddling with the planets of our solar system. Many a time have I cautioned against annoying the inner planets and the gas giants with our space probes and roving rovers and robotic orbiting laboratories. If the planets wanted us to meddle with them, they would have the words "Please Meddle With Me" spelled out in craters in one of the ancient languages of antiquity. And yet we persist in probing and roving and photographing them in all manner of un-flattering ways.

Well, as most of you have probably heard by now, today the probed planets have begun to protest. They have shown their annoyance in the form of a meteor exploding over Chelyabinsk, Russia, killing more than 500 people and injuring literally dozens of others.

The trajectory of this incoming doom-harbinger shows it coming from the direction of the Sun. This leads us inevitably to the inevitable conclusion that it was sent here by Mercury, no doubt in anger over the orbital atrocities committed by NASA's MESSENGER spacecraft over the past few years. It is bleedingly obvious that Mercury sent this asteroid as a warning sign of danger things to come.

Of course, Mercury is about two months too late for that sort of thing, the vast majority of the human race already having been wiped out in the December 21 apocalypse. But since space-based orbital maneuvers can take some time to accomplish, it is likely that this is just the first of a series of meteoric attacks we remaining survivors shall face in the coming weeks and years.

Our only hope now is that the astrologers can calm the inner planets' rage sufficiently that they forgive our recent orbital trans-gressions.