So Apparently You Need A LICENSE To Buy A Motorcycle Now!

Well, suffice it to say that my preparations for the impending apocalypse have hit a minor snag.

It is a well-established fact that the post-apocalyptic nightmare world to come will be ruled by warring cannibal motorcycle gangs. This is simply the default human response to a breakdown of law and order - we return to our baser instincts and resort to tribalism and motorcycle maintenance. We need only to look at current events in power vacuums such as Somalia and Tennessee to see evidence of this.

So thusfore my post-apocalyptic survival plan has been to join -- or preferably start -- a cannibal motorcycle gang. I already have most or the prerequisite qualities: ability to lead, charming good looks, rugged individualism, and a callous disregard for human life. The only element I'm missing is a motorcycle.

Not a problem, I thought. I can always buy one. So this morning I withdrew some money from my savings account (mattress) and took the bus to my local motor-cycle store ready to make this absolutely necessary for my future survival purchase.

At first, the smarmy goatee-clad salesman was friendly enough. But he seemed to turn suspicious when I asked him if the brake pedal was on the left or the right in this particular model - a perfectly legitimate question under the circumstances, I would think! He then began to interrogate me with a number of insulting, personal questions: how long have I been riding, when did get my license, have I been drinking, do I even know how to drive, and what have you.

The smarmy salesgoatee was un-abated in his questioning even when I brandished a wad of cash, saying he was "uncomfortable" selling a "motor vehicle" to me.

Apparently the power-clad overreaching liberals in the government have made it illegal to drive a motorcycle without a license. THANKS A LOT, OBAMA!

No doubt, this is undoubtedly part of the government's plan - to keep us powerless and motorcycle-less when the end comes. And the motor-cycle dealerships are all in on the conspiracy, hoarding all the half-cars for themselves so they'll have an ample post-apocalyptic supply. I'm on to you, Mr. Salesgoatee! You are most assuredly not welcome in MY gang!

So three weeks to the day from The End, I do not have a motorcycle. But I do have a Plan.

You see, my neighbor Dave owns a motorcycle. He is one of those pseudo-skeptic science-believers who refuses to accept predictions of the coming doomsday, and has not made any preparations whatsoever for the post-apocalyptic world to come. So I expect that he'll be one of the first to die, after which I will easily acquire his motorcycle without any resistance.

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Massachusetts Schools Stand Up To Arithmetical Hegemony!

The Bay State is giving us reason to celebrate tonight!

This spring, students from Provincetown to Pittsfield participated in the annual rite of Answerist cruelty known as the Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System (MCAS). And the results clearly show that these brave students are proverbially sticking it to the proverbial man.

Some 82% of Massachusettian schools and a whopping 91% of Massachussetois school districts missed the state's performance targets, set by the commonwealth under the No Child Left Behind act. As one might expect, the Massachusettic educational, governmental, and punditial officials quickly played the Blame Game, citing the No Child Left Behind law, underfunded schools, poorly-designed educational standards, and anyone else they could think of.

Of course, none of them dared acknowledge the truth: that the Commonwealth's combined student body was simply exercising their academic freedom as they took their MCAS exams, refusing to be assimilated by the government-sanctioned knowledge-opoly that is a standardized curriculum.

I, for one, salute these brave students in their courageous act of defiance. We Math Skeptics salute you!

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Forever 21 and JC Penney Cave In to the Arithmetofascists!

So apparently the liberal-mathematists and gyno-equalityists had their collective panties all up in a bunch - literally - over some new t-shirts that were recently selling at JC Penney and Forever 21 retailers with positive messages of legitimate Math Skepticism targeted to young women. Their ires of outrage were particularly hackled by shirts with Constitutionally-protected messages of free expression such as "Allergic to Algebra" and "I'm Too Pretty to Do Math," which they "claimed" were "harmful" to young girls' "self-esteem" or "something."

The bleeding-heart liberals (and bleeding you-know-what womenals) are so deep in the pockets of Big Numeral that they have literally boycotted and petitioned these poor, innocent retailers into submission, forcing them to stop selling these shirts in their stores.

This is nothing less than an act of blatant discrimination against young Math Skeptics who happen to agree with these positive messages.

Worst of all, they are rather hypocritically targeting people with math allergies - a legitimate medical condition responsible for hundreds of deaths and tens of thousands of missed hours of work and school annually, according to unverified statistics generated just now for the purpose of composing this blog post. Yet not once has the libero-gyno-educationo-cabal objected to t-shirts for peanut allergies or milk allergies. Interesting, isn't it?

Why the hypocrisy, liberals? Why aren't you boycotting the peanut allergy shirtists and petitioning the milk allergy shirt manufacturers? If you're going to object to allergy-advertising in clothing form, you should object to it equally, rather than singling out algebra allergy for your unwarranted attacks.

Of course, we Math Skeptics already know the reason for their hypocrisy. The liberals have been allied with the scientists and the numbers for decades in a great numero-scientific conspiracy to brainwash our children with math and science education. As the current JC Penney controversy demonstrates, this conspiracy is so pervasive that they can take down a Fortune 500 company like JC Penney for daring to speak out against the numerist agenda.

Truly these are sad times we live in. I'm reminded of a famous poem by German pastoralist Martin Niemöller, which I paraphrase thusly:

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the Math Skeptics
and there was no one left to speak out for us.

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The HP 12c Celebrates Thirty Years of Financial Ruin

Tech giant Hewlett-Packard is celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of its infamous 12c Financial Calculator with great fanfare and celebratority this week. And, apparently, without even a hint of irony.

For, as we all know, the HP 12c is nothing less than the most diabolical weapon ever unleashed by the numbers in their ongoing war against humanity.

Forged in the top-secret catacombs of HP's Cupertino tech lair, the 12c's revolutionary use of metal-oxide semiconductors and inscrutable Reverse Polish Notation made it Hewlett-Packard's best selling product of all time. This calculator has been in the pockets and on the desktops of every major economist and financialist of the last three decades.

And, thusly, it is responsible for every financial crisis of the last three decades. Just look at the HP12c's trail of financial ruin:

• 1982: Latin American Debt crisis
  
• 1987: Black Monday
  
• 1989: Savings and Loan Scandal
  
• 1990: Swedish Banking Crisis
  
• 1992: Black Wednesday
  
• 1994: The Mexican Economic Crisis
  
• 1997: Asian Financial Crisis
  
• 2001: Dot-com bubble burst
  
• 2007: Global financial subprime mortgage credit-default swap worldwide economic collapse

So thank you, HP12c! Thank you for everything!

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In The Case of California vs. Academic Freedom, Freedom Emerges Victoriously

In a landmark out-of-court decision handed down by an out-of-court judge, as I can only assume these cases are handled, the American Freedom Alliance has won a flawless victory against the state-run California Science Center.

This out-of-court settlement, which I can only imagine followed a dramatic out-of-court proceeding reminiscent of the Scopes Monkey trial or whatever case it was in Twelve Angry Men, requires the state-run California Science Center to pay a sum of no less than 1.5 billion imaginary dollars to the allied freedom fighters at the American Freedom Alliance and their allies at the Discovery Institute.

The case began in 2009, when the state-run California Science Center frivolously and unfairly cancelled an alternative-science science event sponsored by the AFA and/or the Discovery Institute due to the frivolous and unfair reason that the AFA and/or Discovery Institute was claiming the Science Center as an endorser of the alternative-science event, and thus would hithertoforely be seen as an advocate of alternative science in perpetuity throughout the universe.

In case you don't speak legal mumbo and/or jumbo, I'll summarize thisly: the state-run California was anti-freedom so they got sued by Freedom.

And freedom WON!

This is not just a victory for the cdesign proponents at the Discovery Institute; or alternative science and alternative science advocates in general - which it is. This is a victory for Freedom - and, by extension, abstract concepts everywhere.

Congratulations to freedom, hubris, liberty, happiness, melancholy, and rhetoric for your well-deserved victory against the state-run state of California!

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IRS Sides With Numbers In Math-Error Cases

Here's a story that should come as no surprise to anyone. The IRS is the enemy of humanity.

I'm not saying that because of the last time they audited my completely legitimate business expenses, but because of a new report in The Hill that I found simply shocking!

In response to a new report recommending that the IRS respond quickly to correct mathematical errors in income tax returns, the IRS said "no."

In other words, they're siding with the numbers!!

If you're not outraged, you should be. You. Should. Be.

These cheesefed, calculator-having, pocket-protecting bureaucrats are taking the numbers' side when errors occur in tax returns. And as we all know, numbers can't be trusted.

This is nothing short of species treason!

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The Evolutiono-Climatical Conspiracy Revealed

Ever notice how the evolutionalist movement and the environmentalismist movement seem to be so inextricably intertwined? Without fail, you find the same science pushers pushing climate science and evolution.

Until now, there wasn't enough evidence to link these two subversive forces together. Until now.

Thanks to my perennial frenemies at the National Center for Science Indoctrination, I now have concrete proof of the evolutionist-climate changialism conspiracy! For they have published an excerpt from Geerat Vermeij's The Evolutionary World, a shocking tome that lays out this vast scientifico-mathematical collusiveness in shocking detail. Just read this shocking excerpt from this shocking book:

Humanity should do what it can to limit the rate at which the world is heating up, but above all we must adapt to a warming world. If we want to maintain some semblance of wild nature in the fact of warming and habitation fragmentation, we must preserve — or, better yet, enhance — opportunities for species to adapt.

We must give them wiggle room, not box them in. We must allow evolution and adaptation to do their work.

Indeed, Dr. Vermeij. Their evil work. For this so-called "adaptation" is nothing but a product of numbers in deoxyribonucleic form. Mutations are nothing but the result of numbers attacking our very DNA. Our. Very. DNA. And the climate changialites are merely propagandizing this numerist assault at our cellular level.

Thank you, Dr. Vermeij, for finally exposing this shocking collusion to the public scrutiny, where we can publically scrutinize it for all the world to see.

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Propaganda Alert: Delaware!

Beware, Delawaricans! Verizon is coming to brainwash your children!

The communications giant plans to use their thinkfinity.org reeducation platform to combat "learning losses" allegedly suffered by "students" while allegedly on "summer vacation." What they fail to mention are their deep-rooted ties with the governmento-numerical conspiracy.

This outrage is outrageous, and should leave us all outraged!

It's not bad enough that Delaware is the smallest, lamest, and least-interesting state in the union. Now Delaware is ground zero in the global war between the numbers and humans. Verizon, it seems, has sided with the numbers. We can only hope that they will repent from their treasonous ways before we humans are defeated.

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THE EVIL IS INSIDE US

A frightening and therefore flawed study published in a recent issue of Developmental Science presents a terrifying proposition: the numbers may already have infected our DNA. Lead study author Melissa Libertus believes that this so-called "number sense" is an inborn skill, rather than an external externality brought about by educationalist indoctrination courtesy of the worldwide numero-governmental hegemony.

By exposing children as young as four to the borderline cruelty of number guestimation tests the authors found differences in individuals' "approximate number system." The study's conclusion, which I summarily reject because it conflicts with my already deeply-held worldviews, is that this inherent "number sense" is not only an inborn trait, but an indicator of future math ability.

"The relationship between 'number sense' and math ability is important and intriguing because we believe that 'number sense' is universal, whereas math ability has been thought to be highly dependent on culture and language and take many years to learn," Libertus says, pausing to cacklingly play some ominous diminished chords on a large pipe organ beneath a dripping candelabra amidst the formaldehyde-jarred brains in her dungeon-like science-lair. "Thus, a link between the two is surprising and raises many important questions and issues, including one of the most important ones, which is whether we can train a child's number sense with an eye to improving his future math ability."

The evil Dr. Libertus may have a point. This study does raise some very important questions, such as how we can eradicate this genetic disorder from our species.

After all, there is precedent for this sort of genomic invasion, what with eight percent of the human genome having been inserted by viruses. It's certainly possible that the numbers have infected us in the same way, inserting numerism into our cells in order to create a monster race of human mathemarians preprogrammed to do their evil numerist bidding at a moment's notice. Numerism may be nature, rather than nurture. And thus, it is a disease.

Now, I'm normally not an advocate of eugenics, but in this case it may be our only hope for survival. Now I'm not saying that we should round up the numerically-adept and keep them in calculation camps while preventing them from reproducing via forced sterilization.

I'm not saying that at all.

But it's not a bad idea.

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We're Winning The War On Maths!

This has been a great week for math skepticism. First we had Stanford University math warrior combating calculation using the Mental Abacus. Now we have some wonderful news from the nation's school systems, as more than 60,000 teachers find themselves out of a job.

Take THAT, answerists!

This victory against the numero-governmental conspiracy is the best news I've heard all week. With fewer teachers to indoctrinate our students with their "one right answer" injustice, our nation's youth will finally be free to explore alternative interpretations of math and science and history and Billy Budd. We have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to ensure that our schools teach the controversy in these unproven subjects.

Well, to a point, since there'll be no teachers to actually teach the controversy. But I'm sure the students will pick it up on their own. They're pretty smart nowadays with their smartphones and their Twitting.

Now I know what you're saying. "What about those poor teachers? What will they do now that they're unemployed?"

Pff. I dunno. Perhaps they can find some freelance indoctrination work or something. Long as they're not NOT teaching our students that 5 times 7 can equal philtrum, I don't give a hoot what they do.

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The Numero-Governmental Conspiracy in San Jose

I often talk about the deeply-knit relationship between the numbers and the government in achieving their shared goal of keeping us down and taking away our freedoms. But rarely is this conspiracy reported in the lame-stream media.

Today is a rare exception. A shocking article in the San Jose Mercury News exposes the shocking corruption of the numerist cabal as they ally with law enforcement under the guise of "crime prevention."

This effort is being spearheaded by numero-academicalist George Mohler, assistant professor at Santa Clara University, who uses statistical analysis to conduct predictive policing - using numbers to tell police where and when crimes will happen. This use of numbers as psychic detectives raises all manner of ethical and constitutional issues, and shows just how pervasive the numerist influence is at even the local government level.

Of course, I have my suspicions that this will eventually backfire. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that numbers can't be trusted.. I would not be surprised one whit if the numbers were also conspiring with the criminals, throwing the police off with red herrings while telling the burglars just where to burgle.

At least, that's what I hope is happening. It could be that the numbers are trying to infiltrate local governments in a grassroots campaign to eventually take us over, municipality by municipality.

Sounds farfetched? Maybe. But if the next mayor of San Jose is a 47, don't complain to me that you weren't warned.

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NUMERIST PROPAGANDA

Just when you thought you'd heard enough about the 12th Century Italian patent clerk-turned-founder of modern mathematics Leonardo Fibonacci and his magical integers, along comes a new propaganda video to catapult the scientifico-numerist agenda into your living room, using the trebuchet of Internet video.

Nature by Numbers is a visually-beautiful offering to our numeral overlords, attempting to appease them by displaying the intrinsic geometries and sequences in nautilus shells and dragonfly wings and sunflower seeds. As if this Ode to Integerism will somehow appease them.

And we all know how well appeasement works out.

So go ahead! Watch this piece of blatant numerist indoctrination if you want. All the other "skeptics" are doing it. But don't come crying to me when the magical Fibonacci numbers turn on you anyway, attacking you and leaving you for dead just to entertain their cold digital hearts.

Just like Hitler.

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