Friday, June 22, 2012

NASA's MESSENGER Probe Celebrates Planetary-Annoyance Milestone!

Astronomists and technicians manning the MESSENGER probe are celebrating a dubious milestone today. The space probe they launched toward Mercury nearly eight years ago has now orbited the poor planet more than 1,000 times.

Those of us versed in the ways of astrology know full well that this is nothing to celebrate. It is only a matter of time before the winged planet Mercury becomes annoyed by this annoyance and decides to punish us with an asteroid or two.

The basic fact that the eggheads at NASA/Johns Hopkins University fail to understand is that some planets simply do not wish to be orbited. If Mercury wanted a moon, don't you think it would already have one?

NASA is playing with doom on this one, folks. If the world were not already scheduled for an apocalypse on December 21 of this year, I'd say our MESSENGER-meddling was a dire threat to human civilization!

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Water-Based Medicine Under Attack!

Once again, the tried-and-true medical practice of homeopathy is under attack by the evidence-baseists and conventional-medicine-pushers. Despite the mounting mountain of evidence that homeopathic medicine works for everything from gout to goiter to gout cancer, the medicinalists insist that the two-century-old practice of homeopathy doesn't work.

The latest hit piece comes from a prolific anti-pseudoscience writerist. And to add insult to insult, he uses numbers to assert his ludicrous conclusion that homeopathy doesn't work


Perhaps most insulting of the insulting insults is the attack on the fundamental foundation of homeopathic medicine - the fact that water has memory. 

Despite what the skeptics and anti-pseudoscientists say, water remembers. To prove this, I conducted an experiment. The raw data of this experiment follows, for those who care for data and evidence and all of that silliness.

9:15 am: Poured glass of water into ice cube tray. Put tray into freezer. 10:26 am: Water has turned into ice! Removed ice cubes, returned them to glass. 12:02 pm: Ice has melted back into water. Poured water back into ice cube tray. 1:37 pm: Water has remembered how to become ice! Removed ice cubes, returned them to glass. 3:12 pm: Ice has remembered how to be water!  Poured water back into ice cube tray. 4:42 pm: Surprise! Water has remembered how to become ice again!
As any fool can plainly see, water is quite good at remembering how to go from ice to water and back again, without ever turning into orange juice or blood or single-malt scotch or lava. Water remembers. And don't you forget it!