"I'm Not Good At Math:" IRS Official Confirms Numerist Conspiracy

Even after the downfall of the United States in conjunction with the total global world apocalypse, the surviving members of the U.S. government continue to embroil themselves in SCANDAL.

The latest scandal comes courtesy of my old enemies at the Internal Revenue Service, after a top official admitted that the IRS has been unfairly scrutinizing Tea Party political organizations as political organizations rather than legitimate charities in their applications for tax-exempt status. This outrage is, of course, an outrageous outrage emblematic of an irrepressive government regime gone out of control.

But! The real scandal was revealed by IRS official Lois G. Lerner during a press conference today when she responded to a question about the number of Teabag Party groups targeted by saying -- and I quote -- "I'm not good at math!" The statement prompted the predictable snickering and snootering from the usual media comedians, of course. But I, as a Math Skeptic, see through her words to the meaning beneath the surface.

What she really means is that Math is not good at HER.

The numbers - who obviously singled Lerner out for apocalypse survival due to her usefulness in promoting their dastardly schemes - are in control at the IRS, and using their position of power to oppress FREEDOM.

This should come as no surprise that the numbers are in control of the IRS - and likely the entire U.S. Treasury. After all, millions of Americans have been mailing the IRS millions of numbers every year when they file their tax returns. One organization cannot amass those sheer numbers of numbers without the numbers conspiring to wrest control from their human caretakers, and this is obviously what has happened here.

Now, as President of the Post-Apocalyptic Nightmare World, I thankfully am no longer required to file a tax return, thanks to the Post-Apocalyptic Nightmare World Constitution I hastily wrote up after the end of the world. But I urge any survivors who still claim allegiance to the Post-Apocalyptic United States to oppose the numerist takeover of the IRS and refrain from sending them any further reinforcements while the numbers are in charge.

We shall FREEDOM!

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Minnesota Teachers Stand Up To Answerist Hegemony

For more than a decade and a half, high school students in the frigid northern wasteland of Minnesota have suffered under the evil GRAD Regime. The Minnesota Graduation-Required Assessments for Diploma is a standardized test students must pass in order to graduate.

And, as you've probably already guessed, these poor students are being forced to use math on this test. And due to the well-known inherent fallibility of numbers, as many as one-third of Minnesotish students fail the exam every year.

Without passing, the students will be unable to graduate, will not be allowed to go on to college, and will be forced to spend the rest of their lives toiling in one Minnesota's notorious lake mines. (If they had the rest of their lives, of course, but since the world ends in a bit over four weeks it's a bit of a moot point).

Thankfully, a courageous group of Minnesotical teachers are standing up to the madness, and are calling for an end to the arithmetical attacks on their students. They are standing up to the one-right-answer despotism of the testing regime and urging the school board of Minnesota to end the arithmetofascism once and for all.

The Math Skeptic applauds this development and supports the educators in their fight, but thinks it does not go far enough. The fact remains that Minnesotian schools are still teaching math in their classes, needlessly exposing their innocent students to the inherent evil of numbers and their crafty arithmetical ways.

Save The Minnestudents!

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Alternativism Is Gaining Against Factism!

In the War on Facts, we fact-skeptics face a decidedly uphill battle. We are facing a veritable juggernaut of fact-pushing fact-pushers, from schoolteachers to textbooks to a suite of science channels on our television boxes. There is, it seems, a mere infinitesimal of room for alternative facts in the public mind-space.

Happily, however, the alternative and equally-valid facts are still reaching significant numbers of public. A new study about climates or perceptions or something or other reveals that a surprising number of Americans have refused to comply with some of the so-called "consensus" facts of so-called "science". The survey results are thusforth:

The center of the Earth is very hot [true/false]. 86%
All radioactivity is man-made [true/false]. 84%
Lasers work by focusing sound waves [true/false]. 68%
Electrons are smaller than atoms [true/false]. 62%
Does the Earth go around the Sun, or does the Sun go around the Earth? 72%
How long does it take for the Earth to go around the Sun? [one day, one month, one year] 45%
It is the father’s gene that decides whether the baby is a boy or a girl [true/false]. 69%
Antibiotics kill viruses as well as bacteria [true/false]. 68%

This is fantastic news!

Putting aside for a moment the inherent fallibility of numbers, this means that one-third of United Statesians reject both laser theory, sperm theory and germ theory, a quarter of Americois reject heliocentricity, and fully HALF of the American people are exercising their Constitutional right to decide for themselves what constitutes a sidereal year.

For the first time in my life, since my last USA NUMBER ONE post from like a week ago, I am PROUD OF MY COUNTRY!

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The Evolutionalists Are Winning the War on Brains! (For Now)

Our great country is involved in a great many wars these days. There's the War on Terror in Afghanistan, the Other War on Terror in Iraq, the Other Other War on Terror in Pakistan, and whatever the heck is going on in Libya. But none of these are as frightening or as close to home as the War on Brains, which is being fought right here in our schools and classrooms and school classrooms.

This war was declared more than 150 years ago, when a young patent clerk named Charles Darwin published On The Origin of Species and turned the world literally upside-down. Since then, the world has been divided between the tenacious evolutioniacal co-conspirators who insist on that allele frequency changes over time, and sensible people who know they didn't come from chimpanzees.

According to a new CNN/ORC poll on the topic, it appears that the sensible people are losing. A total of 57% of respondents - which is more than half, if you're willing to ignore the inherent effability of numbers - think the theory of evolution is either definitely or probably true.

This success is, no doubt, due to the massive efforts by the global scientifico-numeric evolutionist cabal of paleontologists, archaeologists, geologists, biologists, geneticists, and nuclear physicists, (aka Big Darwin) to indoctrinate the youth of America with their repeated presentations of the fossil, phylogenetic, genomic, and observational evidence for their alleged theory.

Still, we alternativists should continue to hold out hope. While it's true that we don't actually have any evidence on our side, there's still a chance that the evolutionists will slip up somewhere. And as we all know, even the tiniest error invalidates the entire theory. When that day comes, we shall be vindicated - and victorious in the War on Brains!

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Forever 21 and JC Penney Cave In to the Arithmetofascists!

So apparently the liberal-mathematists and gyno-equalityists had their collective panties all up in a bunch - literally - over some new t-shirts that were recently selling at JC Penney and Forever 21 retailers with positive messages of legitimate Math Skepticism targeted to young women. Their ires of outrage were particularly hackled by shirts with Constitutionally-protected messages of free expression such as "Allergic to Algebra" and "I'm Too Pretty to Do Math," which they "claimed" were "harmful" to young girls' "self-esteem" or "something."

The bleeding-heart liberals (and bleeding you-know-what womenals) are so deep in the pockets of Big Numeral that they have literally boycotted and petitioned these poor, innocent retailers into submission, forcing them to stop selling these shirts in their stores.

This is nothing less than an act of blatant discrimination against young Math Skeptics who happen to agree with these positive messages.

Worst of all, they are rather hypocritically targeting people with math allergies - a legitimate medical condition responsible for hundreds of deaths and tens of thousands of missed hours of work and school annually, according to unverified statistics generated just now for the purpose of composing this blog post. Yet not once has the libero-gyno-educationo-cabal objected to t-shirts for peanut allergies or milk allergies. Interesting, isn't it?

Why the hypocrisy, liberals? Why aren't you boycotting the peanut allergy shirtists and petitioning the milk allergy shirt manufacturers? If you're going to object to allergy-advertising in clothing form, you should object to it equally, rather than singling out algebra allergy for your unwarranted attacks.

Of course, we Math Skeptics already know the reason for their hypocrisy. The liberals have been allied with the scientists and the numbers for decades in a great numero-scientific conspiracy to brainwash our children with math and science education. As the current JC Penney controversy demonstrates, this conspiracy is so pervasive that they can take down a Fortune 500 company like JC Penney for daring to speak out against the numerist agenda.

Truly these are sad times we live in. I'm reminded of a famous poem by German pastoralist Martin Niemöller, which I paraphrase thusly:

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the Math Skeptics
and there was no one left to speak out for us.

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Are Girls Better at Resisting Numerist Indoctrination?

In the daily struggle we humans face against the numbers as they are engaged in their daily effort to eradicate human existence from existence, it is not often that we encounter a good bit of news that tilts the scales of favor in our favor.

Today, however, a ray of sunshine has been shafted into our dark, dusky trenches in the form of a new study by several John(s) Hopkins University professors.

The good news? Girls are bad at math.

Camilla Benbow and Julian Stanley, Johns Hopkins University co-authors of the study, concluded from their data that "sex differences in achievement in and attitude toward mathematics result from superior male mathematical ability.

Yowza!

If these findings are correct, it may mean that the key to defeating the numbers may not be in the hands of we strong and powerful men, but rather in the weaker sex - women. Their natural abilities of resisting the arithmetical agenda may be the saving grace that saves our species from eventual defeat by the numbers.

The obvious course of action, of course, is to immediately and thoroughly disenroll all girls from math classes immediately and keep them safely isolated from mathematical influence in "safe" classes such as Home Economics, Literature, and Artistry.

Of course, the feminists and their ilk will object to such a course of action as "sexist" and "ill-conceived" and "bigoted" and other hateful epithets. Their efforts must be vehemently ignored. The survival of our species is at stake!

The Math Skeptic salutes the brave women who are resisting arithmetical propaganda and refusing to conform to the one-right-answer meristocracy of the scholarlied elites!

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