A MOST DANGEROUS BOOK

Some authors just don't know when to leave well enough alone.

It's not enough that John Derbyshire taunted the evilicious forces of numeracy with his 2004 tome about Bernhard Reimann's unsolvable math problem. He just had to follow it up with Unknown Quantity: A Real and Imaginary History of Algebra.

As any Math Skeptic knows, algebra is known universally as the most dangerous of all the maths. First, the use of variables creates a dangerous portal to the unknown netherworld of quantum stochasticity, from which any manner of random hideous creature could emerge.

Secondly, the juxtaposition of numbers and letters leaves our poor, innocent letters susceptible to bad influence and peer pressure from the numbers. I mean, one minute you could be solving for y, and the next minute the letters are conspiring the overthrow of human civilization.

Derbyshire takes the book one step deeper into dangertown by fictionalizing some of algebra's evil history. It's not bad enough that he glorifies the many times algebra has led to the downfall of human civilizations, but by delving into the real and imaginary history, he gives algebra plenty of tricksy ideas.

---

The Numbers Are Taking Over Our Precious Capitalism!

If you've been grocery shopping recently, you may have seen some strange black-and-white lines showing up on your boxed corn and potatoed-chips. I, too, have been wondering about these curious curiosities, so I did some research.

It turns out that these are the latest assault by the numbers on our capitalist livelihoods. These Universal Product Codes, as they're known, will soon put the power over retail pricing in the hands of computers, rather than the trusted invisible hands of the free market.

This outrage is simply OUTRAGEOUS!

Soon stores throughout the country will be using electronical scanners at the checkout counter, instead of trusted technology like an old guy with a cash register.

And, soon after that, I imagine the stores will be doing away with the old guy and just using robots to interact with their customers. Imagine! How will we engage in cheerful small talk with a Checkout Robot? I can just imagine the conversations: "afternoon, Miss Robot, how are you?" (silence) "gee, your diodes look nice today," (silence) "What time do you get off work? Maybe we can go down to the electronics shop for a can of oil?" (silence).

Pah!

---