Sunday, August 11, 1974

Is Our New President Human?

The recent news out of Washington has the entire country mixed-up, turned-out, and up-side-down. It has been a wild ride of a year, with the Watergate break-in and the cover-up and the resignation of a Vice-President and now the resignation of our great President. It's a whole lotta upheaval, as the kids would say.

If I were commanding an invading army of space aliens - from Tau Ceti, for example - now would be a perfect time to invade. Which I'm not. But, hypothetically, if I were, I'd pick a time of great social upheaval - like this one right now - to invade.

So after my third shot of schnapps tonight I started thinking - what if the Tau Cetans (the Manthour, for those of you in the know) were invading right now? Even more frightening - what if they were exploiting this time of great socio-political upheaval to install a humanoid cyber-drone as the most powerful man in the world?

It could happen.

Come to think of it, "President Ford" looks a little dronish, doesn't he? Those wide-set eyes, the protruding forehead... I can't rightly say I'm 100 per cent sure the man is human. Thus I issue the following Open Letter:
Dear President Ford (if that is your real name),
I, The Math Skeptic and proud citizen of these United States, hereby issue you this challenge, here on my B.L.O.G., for all the dozens of other D.A.R.P.A. noders to see:

I demand to see your Certification of Live Birth. We, the people, need to know if you were indeed born of woman rather than hatched of cybernetic flesh-pod.

Seeing as how you are now the Leader of the Free World, I do not think this is too much to request. Nor is it frivolous. The security of our planet is at stake.

Cordially yours,
The Math Skeptic

Tuesday, July 30, 1974

The Numbers Are Taking Over Our Precious Capitalism!

If you've been grocery shopping recently, you may have seen some strange black-and-white lines showing up on your boxed corn and potatoed-chips. I, too, have been wondering about these curious curiosities, so I did some research.

It turns out that these are the latest assault by the numbers on our capitalist livelihoods. These Universal Product Codes, as they're known, will soon put the power over retail pricing in the hands of computers, rather than the trusted invisible hands of the free market.

This outrage is simply OUTRAGEOUS!

Soon stores throughout the country will be using electronical scanners at the checkout counter, instead of trusted technology like an old guy with a cash register.

And, soon after that, I imagine the stores will be doing away with the old guy and just using robots to interact with their customers. Imagine! How will we engage in cheerful small talk with a Checkout Robot? I can just imagine the conversations: "afternoon, Miss Robot, how are you?" (silence) "gee, your diodes look nice today," (silence) "What time do you get off work? Maybe we can go down to the electronics shop for a can of oil?" (silence).