Venturing Outside - The Live-Blog

As time in my reinforced concrete bunker has passed, it has become increasingly clear that my six months' supply of vodka (and other consumables but mainly vodka) will barely last another week. So I have decided - after much contemplation - to venture outside the safety and security of my bunker for the first time since The End Of The World. It will not be an easy journey, nor am I entirely certain that I will survive. But I am left with no other option but to replenish my dwindling supply of necessities. God only knows what I'll see out there, if He's even still alive. Since I may not survive this harrowing adventure, I shall live-blog my excursion to the liquor store:

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3:14 PM Central Standard Time

Opening the hatch to my bunker now, preparing to take my first breath of outside air since the Apocalypse. Hoping it isn't poisonous and that it is not too thick with the smell of death and brimstone.

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3:16 PM Central Standard Time

I have left the bunker and re-sealed the hatch. The air smells normal, but feels cold and lifeless. The sky is a grim shade of gray, and my street is as dead as the world I now inhabit.

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3:23 PM Central Standard Time

Before embarking on my journey, I decided to take a quick walk around my house to assess the structural damage. Miraculously, it appears to have survived the apocalypse with only minor wear-and-tear. Miraculous! Still! I must be cautious. There may be zombies or mutants or cannibal gangsters hiding in the bushes!

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3:27 PM Central Standard Time

My journey has begun. I am walking - cautiously - down my street now. I carry with my a smart-phone (obviously), a switchblade, a utility knife, a can opener, several bottles of Crystal Pepsi, and an ample amount of cash in my wal-- hang on. Shit.

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3:31 PM Central Standard Time

I have returned to my concrete bunker for my wallet. While I'm here, I should probably take out the jars of urine and feces - they are making the air in here somewhat unpleasant.

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3:37 PM Central Standard Time

Wallet in pocket, waste jars in the neighbor's trash can. I have now re-embarked on my journey. So far I have yet to see another living creature.

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3:38 PM Central Standard Time

HOLY GOD WHAT WAS THAT?!??!

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3:39 PM Central Standard Time

False alarm. It was only a squirrel, and thankfully one that does not appear to be rabid/mutated/undead. I will have my can opener at the ready nonetheless in case I need to defend myself.

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3:47 PM Central Standard Time

TERROR! Upon reaching the end of my cul-de-sac, I was startled to see a passing car pass by. A blue sedan of some sort. I hid behind some convenient shrubbery as it passed. Though I did not get a good look at the driver, she appeared to be alive and not undead. This is an encouraging, though terrifying development. I am not the only survivor. I am not alone on the planet. I have a companion. And as Post-Apocalyptic Nightmare World President, I have a constituent. More-over, this means that there may be other survivors. Which also means more competition for supplies and resources. I must be even doublier-cautious.

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3:56 PM Central Standard Time

Reaching the main road, it appears to be teeming with traffic. Dozens if not hundreds of people in my town have survived the end of the world! It's a miracles! This town must be a pocket of survivors! Though this is cause for celebration, it is also cause for non-celebration. As the sole remaining pocket of humanity, we will face the burden of rebuilding all of human society alone in the short time before our supplies run out. This daunting task will be daunting indeed. A more likely scenario is that we shall descend into chaos and kill each other to death!

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4:19 PM Central Standard Time

I have reached the liquor store. Apparently the survivors in my town have begun to tee-total, for the shelves are fully stocked. This is impossible! And yet it is the only logical explanation for why the shelves could be stocked after all infrastructure in the country has been decimated, making shipment of goods and services impossible. More for me!

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4:33 PM Central Standard Time

I have left the store, having purchased enough supplies to re-ample my fortified bunker. Though this is not The counter proprietor seemed to think the apocalypse was some sort of "big joke." He asked me if I was having a party, what with my five gallons of vodka. I replied that I was stocking up since the world had ended. To which he laughed. LAUGHED!

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Twin NASA Spacecraft Crash Into The Moon!

In a shocking preapocalyptic development, NASA has announced that two of its lunar-orbiting spacecraft have crashed into the Moon!

And! According to the scienticians and engineerlings at NASA, the crash of the GRAIL probes - nicknamed Arthur and Patsy - was deliberate.

To which I say BALDERWASH!

You may or may not be a movie "buff" and therefore may or may not get this "reference" but if you recall the 1985 movie Pee-Wee Herman Has A Big Adventure, there is a scene in which the title character falls off his bike or crashes into a biker bar or knocks over a wooden dinosaur or something, then gets up and dusts himself off and says "I meant to do that."

Well I assert that NASA just did the same thing!

Why would NASA deliberately crash some perfectly good space-ships into The Moon when they could easily leave them in orbit indefinitely as a lasting symbol of our space-faring prowess?

The answer: the Moon has MOVED!

It's the only logical explanation!

The Moon, likely succumbing to peer pressure from Mars and Jupiter, has shifted its own "orbit" around the Earth, confusing the GRAIL ships and causing them to smack into a MOON MOUNTAIN! NASA, not wanting to admit that they have lost track of the Moon's meanderings, concocted this "deliberate" "crash" story as a "red" "herring"!

NASA has been caught red-handed this time in a lie of deceit. And unlike Pee-Wee Herman, they won't be able to dance their way out of it!

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NASA Celebrates 35 Years Of Covering Up "The Face On Mars"

I remember it as if it were only yesterday. It was July 31, 1976, and I was trying to think of a topic to write about for my B.L.O.G. node on DARPA-Net. Then some shocking news came over the wires from the boys at Jet Propulsion Laboratories. A top-secret photo from the Viking 1 Orbiter was leaked to the press by NASA's Viking News Center in Pasadena.

The result was nothing short of shocking.

It was a face. On Mars. Soon to be known as The Face On Mars.

This top-secret photo was proof positive that Manthourian drone scouts from Tau Ceti b had not only visited our solar system, but left concrete evidence of their presence, building a monument in their likeness on the surface of the Red Planet. It was an obvious retaliation for our attack on their secret lunar base during the faked non-landing of Apollo 13.

And NASA has spent the past third of a century covering it up. Even going so far as to send a robotic rover to slowly grind down the giant monument with its titanium wheels.

As you can see from the photos here, released by NASA in 2001 as part of their disinformation campaign, the little rover has almost completely erased all traces of Manthourian intelligence from the Martian surface. A decade later, it is doubtful that even the slightest trace of the Face on Mars remains.

It's a shame. I can only hope that, one day years from now, NASA will finally tell us the truth about Mars. For now, you'll just have to learn it from The Math Skeptic.

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Congratulations to Apollo 13 on a Successful Moon Landing!

Around the world today, the world is celebrating the return of the Apollo 13 astronauts safely to Earth after a harrowing mission to the Moon and back on a crippled spacecraft.

I say BALDERWASH!

The Math Skeptic congratulates the crew of Apollo 13 for a successful landing on the Moon, as I don't for a minute buy this pie-eyed tie-dyed cockamamie story about the greatest spaceship ever built having an onboard explosion and whatnot. This is nothing but a cover story cooked up by NASA to hide the Apollo mission's true mission: interplanetary defense

I have it on pretty good authority that the true purpose of the mission was to seek and destroy an alien moon base that had been left there by colonists from Tau Ceti an untold number of years ago. Mankind has been at war with the Manthour of Tau Ceti for many centuries, even though few of us know it. The secret landing by Lowell and Haise was to confirm the total destruction of the alien base by impact of the Saturn rocket's S-IVB upper stage, and to inspect the site for and alien technology that might still be monitoring us from 239,000 miles away.

It's the only logical explanation. And I'm sticking with it.

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Is Apollo 13 Being Faked?

Unless you've been living either under a rock or in Rhodesia for the past week, you've heard about the unfolding events aboard Apollo 13. The news reports from NASA have certainly been nail-biting, and The Math Skeptic wishes astronauts Lovell, Haise, and Swigert a safe return.

That said, I don't buy it.

As a skeptic, I'm not convinced.

Mind you - I'm not one of these people who says that the moon landings of Apollo 11 and 12 were faked by NASA in a soundstage. Not at all. That's just silly. The evidence that the moon landings happened is overwhelming.

It's this landing that didn't happen that has me suspicious. And I believe the numbers are involved. There are just too many coincidences - Apollo 13, launching at 13:13, having an onboard explosion in the Service Module on April 13th. This, to me, looks like yet another case of the powerful triskaidekaphobia lobby trying to generate publicity for their so-called "unlucky number."

No, it all seems too convenient. According to a dream I had last last night, the landing happened as planned on April 14, and the astronauts accomplished their primary objective - blowing up an alien moon base that threatened the Earth. Also in my dream was Opie from The Andy Griffith Show, for some unexplained reason.

Sounds crazy, does it? Not when you consider that something WAS blown up on the moon, and recorded by Apollo 12 seismometers. NASA claims it was just the spent S-IVB impacting the lunar surface as planned, but I don't buy it. It makes much more sense that military men Lovell and Haise were doing their patriotic duty and protecting us from invasion by colonists from Tau Ceti, and NASA faked the oxygen tank explosion and the crew's harrowing journey using the LEM as a lifeboat is simply a cover story. Plus, it's the kind of feel-good story that generates interest in the Apollo program, which has been waning since we beat the Soviets.

Besides - believing that an American-made spacecraft malfunctioned and put our brave astronauts in danger is simply impatriotic. This is America! If we can put a man on the moon, surely we can put another man on the moon!

And that's why I believe the accident aboard Apollo 13 is a FAKE!

That said - I wish our astronauts a safe return tomorrow. Thank you for protecting us from the Tau Ceti invaders!

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