Sunday, April 05, 2009


So I've been looking over some astronomicals here and encountered some shocking news. The to-be-discovered comet/possible orbiting space weapon C/2010 X1 (Elenin) is going to kinda sorta align with the red planet Mars tomorrow.

Mars, which is already angered by the robotic rovers trespassing on her ruddy red surface, is probably going to be so angered by this new transgression that it will throw an earthquake at us, with devastating results.

I know you're all questioning the same question: where is the earthquake going to hit?

My astrologer sources point to the small town of L'Aquila, in central Italy. Now I know what you're saying: science can't predict earthquakes. And you're right - it can't. But pseudoscience can. And I'm not the only pseudoscientist predicting this earthquake. Italian seismologer Giampaolo Giuliani predicted earlier this week that an earthquake of earth-shaking proportions would befall L'Aquila tomorrow, using his patented radon-detection techniques. Techniques, I should add, that have been summarily dismissed by lame-stream science for the ridiculous reason that they haven't been proven to work.

Are our predictions correct? Only time will tell. But I'm pretty sure this isn't a drill - it's the real deal.

You've been warned, town of L'Aquila, Italy! Take heed/precautions!

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