Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Mauna Kea "Mystery" Flash Explained

The Internet is literally ablaze with speculation over the source of the mystery flash that was captured by a surveillance camera over Hawai'i's Mauna Kea observatory in March of this year.

The mysterious mystery flash left the observatory's astronomers so flummoxed that they forgot how to spell "astronomer":
My name is Ichi Tanaka, a Support Astrnomer of Subuaru Telescope, Hawaii. On the early morning of 22 March we, Subaru Telescope observers on the summit of Mauna Kea, noticed that there is a huge halo of light above the eastern horizon. It was slowly expanding to over 45 degrees in 5 minutes or more.
We have absolutely no idea about the nature of this. It appears that the event happened not on the Summit area, but much farther away, according to the comparison of the two videos. This means that the size of the light halo is quite large.
A range of plausible explanations have been offered for this phenomenon, from the fantastical suggestion that the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program somehow caused it, to the bland and pedestrian suggestion that this was caused by venting fuel from the third stage of an ICBM test launch from Vandenberg Air Force Base.

Two ridiculous explanations, to be sure, but certainly explanations.

We who are wise and understand the true workings of the world and/or universe already know just what's happening here. The fact that this phenomenon was aimed at Mauna Kea observatory should be a dead giveaway that this was yet another attack in the re-escalating war between the Astrologers and the Astronomers. Note that this attack happened just a few months after the Astronomers attempted to declare an unlucky 13th Zodiac sign, an act clearly within the domain of the Astronomers.

Coincidence? Pah! There is no such thing.

Sorry, Astronomers, but you brought this on yourselves. Hate to say "I told you so," but I did.

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