WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE AGAIN!!!

If you spend as much time on the internets as I do, you have no doubt heard by now of asteroid MD 2011, which is scheduled to slam into our planet today and obliterate all plant and animal life. According to unsubstantiated reports I either read or dreamt up while falling asleep in front of a Stanley Kubrick marathon, this asteroid is carrying lethal amounts of the rare isotope Balthorium-G, which will shroud the planet in a radioactive cloud for 93 years.

Of course, NASA and the usual crowd of alarmism-deniers is saying that there's no cause for alarm, and that this giant rectangular planet-killer is going to miss the planet and even if it were to hit us it'd be too small to reach the ground and would likey burn up in the atmosphere. Exactly what you'd expect them to say if they were covering up our impending doom in order to prevent mass panic. And since we already know from unstantiated and possibly apocryphal reports that NASA has instructed all employees to take contingency measures and report to the nearest FEMA resettlement camp, it MUST be true.

As always, the Math Skeptic would like to point out that this tragedy could have been avoided were we not so horribly dependant on numbers to predict the orbital paths of near-Earth asteroids. Unfortunately, it is far too late to do anything about it now. The only responsible thing to do is PANIC.

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