Tuesday, July 12, 2011


In a horrifying display of insect ingenuity, a colony of 14 million bees has hijacked the truck that was transporting their hives across the country and literally ran it off the road. The truck then exploded when the fuel tank ruptured, mixing with the honey and producing a viscous flaming napalm-like substance that has set much of rural Idaho ablaze.

National Public Radio relayed the terrifying details in a story filed this afternoon:
The load of bees and honey was headed from California to Minot, North Dakota. And according to local TV station KIFI (Local News 8), "It is not unusual for- OH, GOD! BEES! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! AAAAAAAAGH! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!"
The lame-stream media was quick to dismiss this crash as "driver error," but it is quite obvious to even the most amateur conspiracist that the bees have turned against us. While the bleeding-heart liberal apidae-sympathizing scare-mongers have been monging scary lies about "colony collapse" and "endangered pollinators," the hive-queens have been collaborating and plotting against us, using their collective hive-minds to find our vulnerabilities and cause maximum devastation and societal disruption!


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