Monday, January 21, 2013

Post-Apocalyptic United States Inaugurates First President!

So apparently the former United States is attempting to continue on with "business as usual." Today, President and possible pod-clone Barack Obama was inaugurated once again as the 44th President of the United States - and 1st President of the Post-Apocalyptic United States.

First President of the Post-Apocalyptic United States. Official Post-Apocalyptic White House Photo by Lawrence Jackson This is not entirely unexpected. I'm not at all surprised that the numbers allowed the President and senior government officials to survive. The U.S. Government is one of the world's biggest producers of numbers, after all, and it is blindingly obvious that all three branches are deep in the pockets of Big Digit.

Still, I can't imagine how they can reasonably expect to govern. By my estimates, the country has lost around 85-90 percent of its population, its transportation, communications, and sanitation infrastructure is decimated, and all of American society has broken down into a libertarian paradise of roving motorcycle gangs and mob rule. To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, "country's no country country."

This also creates a diplomatic dilemma: how should I handle relations with my former country of residence, now that I am officially President of the Post-Apocalyptic Nightmare World? Especially since the Post-Apocalyptic Nightmare World Capital is landlocked within the United States and we essentially rely on them for replenishing of vodka and supplies and what-not. Prudence dictates that we should maintain open diplomatic relations - I'd hate to gave to go through customs every time I venture outside of my house to hoard can openers.

On the other hand, I fear that opening up relations too freely with the Post-Apocalyptic United States may lead to an immigration problem as American refugees fleeing the violent chaos of their homeland try to take refuge in my reinforced concrete bunker and start having anchor babies on my nice shag carpet and what-not.

A frightening thought INDEED!

Like everything else in this New Post-Apocalyptic World Order, I'll just have to approach U.S. diplomacy one day at a time!

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