Tuesday, July 30, 1974

The Numbers Are Taking Over Our Precious Capitalism!

If you've been grocery shopping recently, you may have seen some strange black-and-white lines showing up on your boxed corn and potatoed-chips. I, too, have been wondering about these curious curiosities, so I did some research.

It turns out that these are the latest assault by the numbers on our capitalist livelihoods. These Universal Product Codes, as they're known, will soon put the power over retail pricing in the hands of computers, rather than the trusted invisible hands of the free market.

This outrage is simply OUTRAGEOUS!

Soon stores throughout the country will be using electronical scanners at the checkout counter, instead of trusted technology like an old guy with a cash register.

And, soon after that, I imagine the stores will be doing away with the old guy and just using robots to interact with their customers. Imagine! How will we engage in cheerful small talk with a Checkout Robot? I can just imagine the conversations: "afternoon, Miss Robot, how are you?" (silence) "gee, your diodes look nice today," (silence) "What time do you get off work? Maybe we can go down to the electronics shop for a can of oil?" (silence).


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