President Carter, Governor Reagan, and Whatever-You-Are Anderson,
Good evening, gentlemen. The Math Skeptic here. I congratulate all of you on your hard-fought nominations. Now that you have passed your party's nomination test, I have to ask you to pass the Math Skeptic test.
I need to see your birth certificates, candidates. I, and the American voting public, need to know that you are the genuine article, the real deal. We need to know that you are, indeed, human.
As we enter this exciting new decade, the threat of alien invasion is ever-present. The possibility is very real that the Manthour of Tau Ceti b or the dreaded Zarminians of the Gliese 581 system are attempting to weaken our defenses by putting one of their cloned human drones in the highest office of the most powerful nation on our planet.
Showing your Certification of Live Birth will prove to me and the rest of the electorate that you are one of us and not one of THEM.
Especially you, "President Carter." I'm still suspicious after Hairgate.