Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Manthourian Candidate

Rumors have been flying around the Internet lately about Presidential candidate Barack H. Obama's birthplace. Some folks believe he was born in Kenya, others believe he was born in Hawai'i, and still others think he was born here in the United States. These so-called "birthers" mean well, but are making a very dangerous assumption - that the presumptive Democratic nominee was born at all.

The Math Skeptic demands a higher standard of proof. The threat of alien invasion is ever-present, and I need to know that all of our candidates for high office are indeed human beings and not pod-cloned cybernetic humanoid drones here to pave the way for invasion by the dreaded Manthour of Tau Ceti b.

As we know, the Manthour have been eager to retaliate against us since Fred Haise and Jim Lovell destroyed their secret moon base during the Apollo 13 mission. So far, we have been keeping their ships at bay with our protective chemtrail grids and the giant space laser aboard the International Space Station. If the Manthour were to install humanoid drones at the highest levels of government, as they already have in Ohio, these protections could be disabled and our dear planet left vulnerable to invasion.

This is nothing new for the Math Skeptic, of course. I have demanded to see proof of live birth for every presidential candidate since Gerald Ford. And every election cycle, my demands have been ignored. Until now.

Until now.

Candidate Obama has publically released his certification of live birth, immediately arousing my suspicion. Why is this candidate so eager to prove that he's a live-born human? What's he hiding? This sounds exactly like what a pod-cloned cybernetic humanoid drone would do if he were trying to prove that he was NOT a pod-cloned cybernetic humanoid drone.

To be clear - I'm not saying that Barack H. Obama is definitely a pre-invasion scout infiltrating the highest office of the land in order to weaken our defenses and send planetary secrets to the Manthourian Invasion Fleet hiding at the L2 Lagrangian point behind Jupiter. Not at all. That would be a baseless accusation.

I'm just asking questions here.

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