Friday, June 03, 2011

Mad Astronomer Elenin Threatens Global Annihilation!

In a chilling posting on his blog, the Russian Astronomer/Supervillain Leonid Elenin is threatening to transform his "comet" C/2010 X1 (Elenin) from a small chunk of rock and ice hurtling toward us at tens of thousands of miles an hour into a Jupiter-sized brown dwarf.

A terrifying video posted on the blog shows exactly what will happen to our if his demands are not met, and the consequences are grave indeed. Starting with Saturn, the new super-sized Elenin will perturb the orbits of all the planets in the solar system, putting our Earth on a collision course with Jupiter and wiping out all life on our fair planet. As the name ELE-NIN suggests, this would truly be an Extinction Level Event, with a soundtrack provided by Nine Inch Nails.

There are a few frightening details about this story, besides the whole impending doom thing.

First, the Mad Astronomer has yet to publicly issue his demands, so we do not yet know how to comply in order to save our planet.

Second, we do not know how an Astronomer has acquired the power to control the motion of celestial objects, a power normally reserved for Astrologers.

The only logical conclusion is that Leonid Elenin is some sort of combined Astrologer/Astronomer, which would give him celestial abilities beyond all human comprehension. Together with his henchman/sidekick Trent Reznor, global domination and/or destruction may indeed be at hand this October.

Be. Very. Afraid.

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