Thursday, July 28, 2011

Who's Laughing Now, Scienticians?

Last week, as you may recall, the scienticians and evolutionists and atheists and other assorted members of the anti-anti-science cabal were all a-gloating over the decision by the Texas Board of Education to ban academic freedom from the Lone Star state's science classes.

And gloat they did, proverbially patting themselves on their proverbial backs in celebration of the board's proverbial trouncing of science supplements that dared question the scientifico-governmentile conspiracy pushing the "Allele Change Consensus" into the innocent minds of Texan youths.

Today, however, I am happy to see that cosmic retribution is in order:

Tropical Storm Don is headed for the Texas coast, packing 45 mile-an-hour winds, 2 foot storm surges, and is preparing to drop up to 7 inches of rain on the wayward state, an obvious punishment for their educationary transgression.

Now I know what you're thinking. "I thought hurricanes were caused by homosexualism and/or Comet Elenin, not evolutionism, The Math Skeptic." To which I reply that you thought wrong.

However, I can understand your confusion. There are a lot of human and celestial causes of natural disaster activity here on Earth, and it can be very confusing trying to keep up with them all. Thusly, I have put together the following handy reference table to assist your understanding of the factors causing death and destruction:

DisasterHuman CauseCelestial Influence
Hurricane Homosexualism Comet Kouhoutek
Tropical storm Evolutionism Vesta
Tornado Germ Theoryism Comet Hyakutake
Earthquake Non-Christianism Comet Elenin
Tsunami Hedonism Sedna
Volcano Hubris Comet Halley
Financial collapse Deregulationism Pluto-Charon barycenter
Flood General disobedience 3753 Cruithne

This should clear up any confusion you may have had. If you are engaging in any of the above transgressions, I shall hold you personally responsible for any disaster that befalls you.

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