ELENIN TO ATTACK WASHINGTON DC TOMORROW

BREAKING NEWS!

While engaging in my semiregular pastime of analyzing the JPL Small-Body Database for potentially Earth-threatening conjunctions, I discovered a TERRIFYING alignment between the orbiting space weapon C/2010 X1 (Elenin) and our home planet.

This may not look like much to the untrained eye, but to those of us well-versed in conspiriology, this diagram clearly shows the optical attack angle for use of an earthquake-causing Tesla coil.

There is a very good chance that Mad Astronomer Leonid Elenin will command the rogue Soviet-era weapon system to attack. And what country will this Cold War relic turn its earthquake-causing on? Ours.

Mark my words: there will be an earthquake in the Washington DC area tomorrow. Take cover, Washingtonians!

---