Math and Black Friday: A Recipe for Corruption

Just when you thought it was safe to start the holiday season.

It's not bad enough that our sacred Christian traditions of consumerism and overconsumption are under attack every year from the atheist/other-religionist cabal in their annual War On Christmas. It now appears that the sacred Christian tradition of shopping on Black Friday is under attack by an even more insidious enemy: numbers.

The global arithmetic conspiracy is now trying to weasel their way in to the festivities by insisting that shoppers use math to inform their Black Friday purchases. They even recommend several "smart-phone" "applications" to help with the comparisoning.

This is an outrage! It isn't bad enough that retailers are engaging in the anti-capitalist practice of sales and discounts on Black Friday - the most insidious form of socialism known to man. Now the numberico-technological conspiracy is conscripting consumers as the foot-soldiers in the war on capitalism/Christmas by encouraging them to comparison-shop.

With the numbers invading our shopping traditions like this, it should come as no surprise that young women are attacking Xbox shoppers with pepper spray and that old men are stealing video game cartridges. The numbers are driving us to madness!

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