UNDISCOVERED COMET TO IMPACT EARTH ON FEBRUARY FOURTH

Astronomers monitoring a pair of meteor surveillance cameras have discovered a new meteor shower they have dubbed the February Eta Draconids. According to the astronomers, the meteors "are likely the dust trail of an earth-threatening long-period comet that remains to be discovered."

It's a very interesting find, because-- wait - what did they say? Did they say EARTH-THREATENING??

I just re-read my first paragraph. It did say earth-threatening. We're DOOMED!

Apparently, this extinction level Earth targeter, dubbed Comet Lyytinen, has a highly-tilted 53-year orbit that crosses Earth's from time to time. Which means that there is a possibility of a collision. Since this meteor shower occurs on February fourth, it means that the collision will happen on February fourth.

Forget Comet Elenin - it's Comet Lyytinen that's gonna KILL US ALL!

Of course, the worldwide astronomical cabal is working overtime to try and pacify the public, calmly telling us "Don't Panic" from inside their reinforced titanium telescope bunkers.

Dr. Phil Plait, the Bad Astronomer and expert on all the ways the universe can kill us, is one of the leading impact-alarmism denialisers. "Remember, there are dozens of meteor showers every year," he says in a recent blog post while safe in his concrete survival dome on a Colorado mountaintop, "so really we cross paths with lots of comets. But comet impacts are exceptionally rare! Put it this way: how many people do you know who have been killed by comets hitting the Earth?"

Okay, Dr. Plat, I'll see your logic and raise you one. How many people do you DON'T know because they WERE killed by comets hitting the Earth? I'm willing to bet that there were plenty of alarmism-denialists among the dinosaurs, too, right before they were extinctified 65.5 million and/or 5,000 years ago.

I rest my case. You can have your calm, reasoned assessment of astronomical odds. I much prefer panic.

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