Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Most Dangerous Of Windmills

Europe is not generally known for its sanity, what with its football hooligans and variety television programs and history of colonialism. But this time Europe is truly off its collective socialist rocker.

The Europeans are going to attack an asteroid.

Yes, I'm serious. No, I'm not kidding.

The so-called Don Quijote mission will crash a space probe (Hidalgo) into a near-Earth asteroid while filming it from an orbiting voyeur (Sancho).

Obviously these crazy Europeans have been too busy studying their astronomy to learn any astrology. Other-else they'd know what an awful offense they are planning to commit. It's bad enough we United Statesians are annoying the notoriously-private asteroid Vesta with the ill-conceived Dawn mission, but these puff-pastry enthusiasts are impacting one.

This aggression will not stand. The other asteroids, minor planets, plutoids, and other denizens of the main belt will be legitimately angered, and may legitimately retaliate with a fiery rain of Texan-sized extinction-producers.

Luckily, this European asteroid incursion is still very much in the planning stages, so we still have plenty of time to protest this violation of planetesimal sovereignty, before it's too late.

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