Baraminology Under Attack - Again!

To say that science and the Great Flood Theory have had a rocky relationship would be an understatement. It would be somewhat more accurate to say that science has been actively trying to suppress, oppress, and thoroughly delegitimize the legitimate study of how all plant and animal life survived a worldwide flood by getting on board a giant boat for a month and a half. The most accurate statement one could make is that the upstart science of science has tried desperately to ensmallen the study of flood-ology so small that they can drown it in an ark-sized bathtub.

Of course, the floodologists are at a disadvantage to begin with. The evidence decks are nondoubtedly stacked against them, what with all of the evidence from geology, biology, zoology, ornithology, botanology, and paleontology failing to provide a shred of evidence for the Great Flood.

There is one field that does provide evidence for the Flood, however - the time-honored study of baraminology. This classificational science classifies animals and/or plants into a taxonomy of kinds, a taxonomical structure that is far superior to traditional Linnaean taxonomy and genetical-based cladistical taxonomy because it provides evidence for the Flood story that we already know to be true.

 Naturally, the so-called legitimate classificationalists are using everything under the 6,000-year-old Sun to squelch the study of kinds. The scientifico-mathematical cabal has conspired to keep this kind of Kind science out of the textbooks and journals, refusing to give it a well-deserved handicap that would put it on par with the biologically-based taxonomies.

The latest weapon in the hands of the scienticians?

Sarcasm.

Noted science-pusher PZ Myers belittles a perfectly legitimate report by Answers in Genesis that painstakingly classifies all the mammals on the Ark into 137 biblically-correct Kinds on the basis that one of her happens to be a stuffed koala.

Outrage!

Dr. Myers typically refuses to consider the possibility that plushies were and still are an extant species. Evidence of fossilized stuffed animals has been found all through the archaeological and fossilogical record, with many living in the wild today. The fact that we rarely see them in their natural habitat and only see them dead on toy store shelves is simply evidence that science is conspiring to hide all evidence of the plushie clade. 

Shame on you, Dr. Myers, for your cynical dismissal of the mountains of evidence for ancient plushies!

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One Month Until The End Of The World!

ALERT!!!!

DOOOOOOOOOM!

It has recently come to my attention that the world is coming to an end on December 21 of this year - exactly one month from now. I have obtained this top-secret information from various top-secret sites on the Internet. It is now an absolute certainty that we are going to collide with another planet or a comet or a giant space dragon on December 21, 2012. With this many people writing about it, it must be true!

This is not a drill, people, this is the REAL THING!

The obvious thing to do is panic. That much is obvious. The important thing to note is that you need to space out your panicking over the course of the coming month so that you will still have enough panic left for the end of the world.

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Superstorm Sandy: Opening Shot of the Numeric Wars?

If you have been following the news as I have, you are no doubt aware that a catastrophical hurricane is on its way up the eastern seaboard right now. However, if you have been getting your news from the brain-dead LIE-beral media you probably don't know the true origins of this nefarious storm.

The meteorologists and climatologists and what-not would have you believe that this storm is simply a naturally-occurring phenomenon, what with air masses and ocean temperatures and water vapor combining naturally to create a tropical depression that then evolves purely by natural forces into a hurricane, fueled along the way by climate change.

To which I say BALDERWASH!

This storm is nothing less than a brutal attack on humanity by the numbers!

Think about it - the weather and the numbers have been conspiring ever since the dawn of meteorology. How do we measure temperature? Numbers. Barometric pressure? Numbers. Wind speed? Numbers. Precipitation? Numbers. We even use numbers to denote the strength of hurricanes.

Given the close personal relationship between the weather and the numbers, it should come as no surprise that the numbers have now begun to control the weather!

It's so obvious, people!

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NASA Declares War On Mars!

In a shocking development sure to shock you all, NASA's new Curiosity rover has now revealed itself for what it really is: an interplanetary weapon of mass destruction.

Chilling imagery of the Mars Science Laboratory's destructive rampage.

Top-secret images obtained from the Mars Science Laboratory's top-secret web site have revealed this shocking truth: that the roving probe is using a space laser to vaporize the planet Mars one rock at a time.

Disguised with the innocuous-sounding name "ChemCam," the roving weaponized laser has begun the systematic process of destroying the Red Planet. The only mystery is why. Is it a preventative strike to put off an impending Martian attack? Is it an attempt to cover up Manthourian Mars bases before they can be discovered? Is Mars blocking our view of Jupiter? Only the mystery knows for sure.

The other uncertainty is how the other planets will react to this unprovoked invasion of the outermost of the terrestrial planets. We can only assume that they will react in usual planetary fashion - with an onslaught of Earth-crossing asteroids launched in our direction.

So thank you, NASA. For DOOM!

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NASA's MESSENGER Probe Celebrates Planetary-Annoyance Milestone!

Astronomists and technicians manning the MESSENGER probe are celebrating a dubious milestone today. The space probe they launched toward Mercury nearly eight years ago has now orbited the poor planet more than 1,000 times.

Those of us versed in the ways of astrology know full well that this is nothing to celebrate. It is only a matter of time before the winged planet Mercury becomes annoyed by this annoyance and decides to punish us with an asteroid or two.

The basic fact that the eggheads at NASA/Johns Hopkins University fail to understand is that some planets simply do not wish to be orbited. If Mercury wanted a moon, don't you think it would already have one?

NASA is playing with doom on this one, folks. If the world were not already scheduled for an apocalypse on December 21 of this year, I'd say our MESSENGER-meddling was a dire threat to human civilization!

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Water-Based Medicine Under Attack!

Once again, the tried-and-true medical practice of homeopathy is under attack by the evidence-baseists and conventional-medicine-pushers. Despite the mounting mountain of evidence that homeopathic medicine works for everything from gout to goiter to gout cancer, the medicinalists insist that the two-century-old practice of homeopathy doesn't work.

The latest hit piece comes from a prolific anti-pseudoscience writerist. And to add insult to insult, he uses numbers to assert his ludicrous conclusion that homeopathy doesn't work. 

Numbers!

Perhaps most insulting of the insulting insults is the attack on the fundamental foundation of homeopathic medicine - the fact that water has memory. 

Despite what the skeptics and anti-pseudoscientists say, water remembers. To prove this, I conducted an experiment. The raw data of this experiment follows, for those who care for data and evidence and all of that silliness.

9:15 am: Poured glass of water into ice cube tray. Put tray into freezer. 10:26 am: Water has turned into ice! Removed ice cubes, returned them to glass. 12:02 pm: Ice has melted back into water. Poured water back into ice cube tray. 1:37 pm: Water has remembered how to become ice! Removed ice cubes, returned them to glass. 3:12 pm: Ice has remembered how to be water!  Poured water back into ice cube tray. 4:42 pm: Surprise! Water has remembered how to become ice again!

As any fool can plainly see, water is quite good at remembering how to go from ice to water and back again, without ever turning into orange juice or blood or single-malt scotch or lava. Water remembers. And don't you forget it!

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The Round-Earthers Are At It Again!

It seems like you can't even open a book, magazine, or an Internet these days without being exposed to more propaganda from the round-Earth illuminati. These self-proclaimed all-knowing knowledgists seem to think they have a monopoly on controversial topics like heliocentrism and the shape of the Earth.

Well I, for one, am here to inform them that they are wrong. Dead wrong. And I will fight their propaganda at every turn.

Like this innocuous-seeming little hit piece on twilight. A warning before you click that link - the propaganda is strong with this one.

The author, no doubt a card-carrying member of the Round Earth Heliocentrist Cabal (REHC) tries to explain the daily magic light show of twilight with physics, astronomy, and a heaping helping of heliocentric propaganda. All without dedicating as much as one sentence to the other side of the debate. There is not a mention of the flat-Earth explanation for twilight, nor is there even a hint about the not yet unproven Infinite Turtle Theory explaining how the Earth maintains its place at the center of the Universe.

This isn't just about one little article, mind you, but about a vast and far-reaching conspiracy to hide the turtlish truth from the masses. As we know, NASA has been Photoshopping all evidence of the world-turtles out of their space photos since the early 1960s, when they invented Photoshop. In collaboration with the Soviets, Chinese, Japanese, Europes, and other rocketeering nations, they have conspired to keep the teeming masses from learning the truth about our turtle-born disc-shaped planet.

Well, I hereby pledge that I will not be fooled by their propaganda. The turtle truth will be revealed!

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Geologic Freedom Under Attack!

Alternative science is always fighting an uphill battle against the juggernaut of mainstream consensusism. Homeopathic medicine is under attack by Big Pharma, creation science is under attack by Big Darwin, and the Astrologers are still in a perpetual state of Cold War with the astronomers.

Now, the shills for so-called "mainstream science" have turned their rhetorical aggression on the perfectly legitimate alternative geology of Hollow Earth theory.

This geologic theory states that our planet is not a solid ball of rock and liquid rock, but a hollow shell with an inner sun in which a race of reptilian bipeds live and also Nazis. This is perfectly legitimate science! The fact that mainstream anti-freedom science consistently denies the existence of such a realm is concrete proof of its existence.

To add insult to insult, you'll never guess what the author uses as "proof" of the solid-Earth anti-freedom consensus.

That's right - MATH!:

Using the formula T = 2π √ a³ / μ, we can derive the Earth's mass. Using orbit 3,545, for example, by plugging in the Space Station's semi-major axis of 6,763,330.03 meters and its orbital period of 5,542.24 seconds (derived by dividing the Mean Motion figure of 15.58933883 revolutions per day into 86,400, the total number of seconds in a day), we get a mass of 5.9722 × 10²⁴ kg.

Right. As if MATH ever proved anything!

We all know that numbers are in on the conspiracy to keep the truth from us. This hit piece is more proof that the numbers are conspiring with the reptiles. And the Nazis.

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